


The Hillsbury Acedemy for Boys (Summer Edition)

by PAPERSK1N



Series: The Hillsbury Academy for Boys - Series [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M, Mavin, Multi, Prep School/Grammar School, Raywood, Summer, Summer break, but also hardcore mavin and raywood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-10 05:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5572333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PAPERSK1N/pseuds/PAPERSK1N
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Gavin are still going strong, but Gavin can't help himself from worrying constantly. He loves Michael, Michael loves him but something isn't quite right with his boi. Add that to the fact that Ray's in bitter denial over his ridiculous crush on Ryan, Gavin can't stop meddling and Geoff comes out of it all with some pretty big news for the group.</p><p>Summer, misunderstandings, miscommunication and a whole load of friendship in between.</p><p>Part Two to 'The Hillsbury Academy for Boys' - which you should probably read first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Back in Black

** Chapter One: Back in Black **

 

 

 

Gavin constantly mentions that the summers in Austin are much warmer than the ones in England, so Ray can’t even pretend to be surprised at the image of Gavin, sprawled out on his bed clad only in his boxers, laid back with a lit cigarette hanging between his lips and his eyes following the rapid turns of the ceiling fan above him. He looks fuckign _stoned_ , if anything- but Ray knows Gavin well enough to know that he wouldn’t dare touch drugs with his parents only downstairs.

 “You’re smoking now too then?” he asks.

Gavin jumps up like a startled rabbit at the sound of Ray’s voice, seemingly from nowhere. Ray only smirks at his flustered friend.

“You bloody scared the life out of me!” Gavin exclaims.

“Yeah well you looked pretty zoned out, so I couldn’t really resist.” Ray shrugs, tossing his bag down onto Gavin's floor and settling down in one of the big beanbags in front of Gavin’s TV.

Gavin stubs the cigarette out in the ashtray under his bed before pulling on a pair of basketball shorts and sitting down next to Ray in the beanbag, bony hairy knees pressing against equally bony and hairy ones.

“I’m not really smoking.” Gavin says flippantly, before instantly correcting himself. “Well I am- but only a little bit.”

“That’s how it starts.” Ray warns. “But whatever, do what you want. Michael does it all the time when he’s with Geoff.” He shrugs.

“I guess so.” Gavin reaches for his Xbox controllers, handing one to Ray. “But enough about Michael. I miss him enough as it is.”

“When is he back?”

“Two days, thirteen hours…” He glances up at the crooked clock on the wall. “…and roughly thirty minutes.”

“Someone’s been counting.” Ray teases. Gavin just grins.

“Well, I miss him, don’t I?” he shrugs. “We haven’t been together that long but we’re like… connected, I guess? I think even more so because we’ve…” Gavin trails off, locking eyes with Ray. “You know.”

Ray’s face remains blank. “Know what?”

Gavin’s cheeks redden ever so slightly, and he tears his eyes from Ray’s to the floor. “We’ve like… you know…”

“I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“We’ve _done_ _stuff_ , Ray- jeez!”

“Oh!” Ray freezes up a little, unsure of what would be considered an appropriate reaction to such news. He stays frozen, and Gavin’s embarrassed expression quickly softens.

“What was it like?” Ray finally decides to ask. Their game has been quickly forgotten in favour of the revelation. Gavin isn’t even holding his controller as he sinks backwards in the beanbag chair, eyes fixated on the ceiling.

“It was nice.” He eventually says, the smallest of smiles coming to his lips. “It was really, really nice.”

Slowly, Ray lays back too, so he and Gavin are next to each other. He turns his head to face his friend, and sighs quietly. He’s done pretty well at hiding the jealousy he holds towards Gavin and Michael’s relationship. It doesn’t really have much to do with Michael or Gavin individually, just the fact that they’re with each other and they're happy and he’s… he’s Ray.

Ray wants to be with someone who’ll make him feel as fucking happy as Gavin looks, all dopey smile and crinkled eyes with a fading hickey on his chest that Ray hadn’t noticed until now.

“It was special.” Gavin continues. “Like… neither of us had really… done stuff with anyone so it was really really special.”

Ray sighs again, a little more audible this time. Gavin frowns, and turns his head sideways so he and Ray are facing each other. They’re so close that Ray can feel Gavin’s breath, fogging up his glasses slightly.

“What about you Ray?” he asks. “Anyone you have in mind to make you feel special?”

Ray shrugs. “Not really.” He says. “You know me, Gav. One-man show and all that shit. Forever alone.” He jokes, but Gavin doesn’t laugh. Because Gavin knows Ray, better than most. They’ve been friends for years, and he can tell when Ray’s lying, because he’s shit at keeping solid eye contact and he always tries to joke his way away from the truth.

Gavin smirks. “You sure?” he asks. Ray’s eyes dart to the floor, Gavin’s chest, the ceiling and back again. He mumbles a conformation of his lie.

“So what about you and Ryan then?”

Ray’s body tenses just enough to be noticeable and Gavin watches his Adams apple bob as he swallows. “What about us?” he asks, tongue darting out nervously to wet his dry lips.

“Well, like- what are you? Are you boyfriends or casual or-”

“-What? No way, me and Ryan?” Ray splutters, raising his eyebrows. “We’re just friends.”

Ray sits up after that, reaching for the discarded Xbox controller. Gavin just smirks, because he knows that Ray can't face looking him in the eye. Gavin sits up, and nudges Ray with his shoulder.

“Really?”

Ray nods. “Really.”

There’s a pause after that, where Gavin could drop the conversation entirely. They could move on, play a few rounds of Halo and forget all about it.

“So are you gonna un-pause the match or-”

“-You don’t even like him a little bit then?” Gavin asks. Ray makes a good effort of rolling his eyes like he’s entirely bored with the conversation, but Gavin easily sees through the façade.

“No… we’re not like that.” Ray insists.

“Well, if you say so.” Gavin shrugs. If Ray wants to deny what the rest of them can see, that’s up to him. Gavin will happily play along with the ‘just friends’ game. He’d done it with Michael for years.

 “He is hot though.” He adds. “And really nice- and he’s really rich. I’d probably like him if I wasn’t with Michael.”

Ray stiffens, and Gavin resists the urge to grin smugly.

“What- what do you mean you’d like him?”

Gavin doesn’t look away from the screen, nonchalant as ever. “I’m just saying, he’s got a lot going for him, and if I didn't have Michael… I’d probably be interested. Nothing wrong with a little window shopping, is there?”

“Well… I guess so.” Ray mumbles, looking down to the ground. “Do you think Ryan likes you like that though?”

Gavin has a hard time fighting his grin on that one. “I doubt it.” He says. “He knows Michael would probably want to fight him or something. Also, I think he’s got his eye on someone else anyway.”

Ray frowns. “You think so? Who do you think it is- oh God, I bet it’s Lindsay, he really got on with her when we all hung out… or maybe that girl Meg, that came to his party… she was saying how they’ve been doing some game club review thing together for a while. Do you think he likes her?” Ray’s musings explode from him in a state of rush and panic, and Gavin feels a warmth in his chest because he doesn’t think he’s ever heard Ray care about something that wasn’t his gamerscore this much.

“I don’t think so…” he shrugs. “But maybe, who knows. Maybe it’s someone else- maybe it’s you.”

“I doubt that.” Ray scoffs. “Ryan could do much better than me… and it’s not like I’m interested anyway.”

“He is pretty rich though.” Gavin points out. Ray’s nose wrinkles, as his character dies on screen.

“What does Ryan having money have anything to do with it?”

“Think of all the expensive gifts!”

Ray rolls his eyes. “Ryan’s not that rich.” He says with a shrug. “And besides, it’s like… you can't even tell. He’s not stuck up or anything. He doesn’t like, rub all his money in your face. He’s… he’s nice, that’s all.”

Gavin gives in, and lets a grin spread across his face.

“So you do like him then?”

Ray blushes. “So, Halo, have you played the new map yet?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Michael arrives back in Austin two days, thirteen hours and forty five minutes later, and heads straight over to Gavin’s place to surprise him. Gavin squeals when he sees Michael at his front door, pulling him into a tight hug before rushing him up the stairs before his parents can notice how close they are.

Apart from at school and within the narrow parameters of their friendship group they haven’t really gone public with their relationship yet. Gavin’s parents know that he’s gay and have done for a while. And it isn’t like Gavin hasn’t noticed the way they watch Gavin and Michael, the way they’ve always watched the two with a weird sense of anticipation. His parents would most likely be overjoyed at their relationship, and Gavin really wants to tell them, but Michael hasn’t come out to his yet, so they’re playing things safe and keeping it relatively quiet.

Gavin kisses Michael as soon as his bedroom door closes, before hugging him tightly again. Michael laughs, hands settling at Gavin’s bony hips.

“You missed me then?” he asks. Gavin grins.

“Hardly.”

“Ouch boi, that’s cold.” Michael makes a show of holding onto his chest as if Gavin’s words have wounded him, staggering over to Gavin’s bed and collapsing on it. Gavin laughs, following him over and flopping down beside him.

“Alright, maybe I missed you a little bit.” He says.

Before Michael can respond, his phone beeps. Gavin rolls his eyes as Michael pulls his phone from his pocket.

“Whoever it is, tell them to fuck off.” Gavin mumbles, resting his arm over his face.

“It’s from Jack.”

“Then definitely tell him to fuck off!”

Gavin squeals as Michael pokes him in the ribs. “Be nice.” He chides, reading the text quickly with one hand, fighting Gavin off with the other. “Jack says to we want to road trip it down to the beach tomorrow in his new truck with him, Ryan, Geoff and Ray?”

Gavin stops fighting Michael and rests back on the bed. “I don’t see why not.” He says. Michael frowns at the text.

“I can't see Ray getting in a pickup truck and going to the beach.” He scoffs. Gavin grins.

“If Ryan’s going, Ray will be there.”

Michael looks up from his phone to Gavin, frowning at the Brit’s knowing smile. “What the fuck do you know that I don’t?”

Gavin rolls his eyes. “Nothing really. I’m pretty sure Ray likes Ryan though. I’ve just got to figure out if Ryan likes him back.”

“Don’t fucking meddle, Gavin. You're not cupid.” Michael warns. Gavin just grins, and rolls over slightly to lie against Michael, who is still sat up on the bed.

“I’m not meddling, Michael, I’m just helping.”

“Yeah, sure you are.” Michael says offhandedly. Gavin pouts, sitting up so he can face Michael properly.

“I’m only trying to help them Michael. Ray’s our best mate and I want him to be happy, that’s all.” He says. Michael sighs, and takes Gavin’s hand in his tenderly.

“I know you are, Gav- but sometimes people have gotta figure shit out for themselves, alright? Promise me you won't get too involved.”

“Scouts honour!”

Gavin makes a big show of holding his hand in a three fingered salute, and Michael can't help but grin, rolling his eyes when Gavin pokes his dimpled cheek.

“You’re so cute, Michael- do you know that?”

“How can I forget when you tell me every five fucking minutes, asshole?!”

“It’s true!”

Gavin squeals as Michael tackles him to the bed, pulling him into a tight embrace. He kisses Gavin’s forehead roughly, before ruffling his hair and settling with their faces resting against each other.

“You’re pretty cute too, for a big nosed British prick.”

“Michael!”

“Shut up and fucking kiss me already. I missed you too, asshole.”

 

* * *

 

Jack’s new truck had been a graduation present form his parents, and even Michael has to whistle when he saw it. Black and shiny with giant wheels, perfect for off-roading and perfect for Jack. A little bit red-neck, but a little flashy too.

“I’ve gotta say, Jack, this truck is pretty sweet.” He says. Geoff sticks his head out of the passenger window and grins as Michael approaches the vehicle, followed by Gavin, who is sandwiched in the middle.

Ryan and Ray are already in the backseat, and Michael smirks to himself at how close the two are, talking quietly. Alright, so maybe Gavin is right and Ray does have a thing for Ryan. That still doesn’t give him the right to meddle, however, so Michael’s glad he is the one in the backseat with them.

“Ray, actually agreeing to go to the beach? I was sure that you wouldn’t fucking come.” He says, laughing once. Ryan raises and eyebrow and looks to Ray with a smirk on his face, whereas Ray just pouts, sticking his middle finger up at Michael.

“Ha-ha, I’m fucking here though, aren’t I?”

“Give the kid a break, maybe he just wanted some fucking sea air in his lungs.” Geoff says from the front seat, pulling a cigarette out of his packet.

“Geoff, this is a brand new truck. You _cannot_ smoke in here.” Jack sighs. Geoff shoots him a glare.

“It’s fucking second hand, and we both know it.” Geoff retorts, but at Jack’s equally threatening gaze, he removes the cigarette from his lips and places it back into the box.

“Sea air? Ray? I don’t think I’ve ever heard those two terms in a sentence before.” Gavin pipes up. Michael laughs, as Ray folds his arms and pouts.

“Maybe I just wanted to hang out with you guys? Is that enough for you?” he asks. Michael and Gavin exchange a look before they both nod, smirking to themselves. Ray rolls his eyes, and sits back into the seat.

“I hate you both.”

“Yeah, we love you too!”

After a few moments of silence, Ryan speaks.

“Have I missed something?”

“Well-” Gavin starts, before he is cut off by Ray, coughing loudly, and pointedly in his direction. Gavin looks at Ray and smirks, before turning back to Ryan.

“I mean, nothing- Ryan. Nothing at all.”

 

* * *

 

No matter how much he wants to spent time with Ryan, it doesn’t change the fact that Ray fucking hates the beach. The sand gets everywhere, salty water makes his eyes sting, and the wind is always either too cold or too hot.

It’s the height of the Austin summer, and even in just his T-Shirt and shorts, Ray feels like he’s going to fucking melt. The moment they arrive, Gavin, Michael and Geoff are stripping off, running towards the sea. The tiny slither of beach is pretty much empty, being not far from the main tourist beach.

Jack is pulling sun lotion out of his bag and layering it on thick, probably due to the fact that he’s pale and freckly as fuck, much like Michael. Ray wonders if Michael put sunscreen on before he ran after his naturally tanned, Italian-skinned boyfriend into the sea. He decides that he doesn’t care, because Michael and Gavin are fucking traitors dead set on embarrassing him and making him think that he fucking likes Ryan, which he doesn’t.

Not even a tiny bit.

Ryan takes a tiny bit of sunscreen from Jack, rubbing it on his nose and on his arms. Jack offers the bottle to Ray, who shakes his head.

“Come on dude, I’m not fucking white like the rest of you.” He says. Jack just laughs.

“You sure? The water reflects the sun and makes it more intense.” He says. At the sheer mention of water, Ray’s face twists into a grimace.

“Good job I won’t be touching the fucking water then.”

“You can’t swim?” Jack asks, surprised.

“I can swim,” Ray says with a shrug. “I just don’t like it.”

“Fair enough.” Jack nods. “Guess you’ll be stuck hanging out with the bags up on the sand then.”

Ray nods, because although he fucking hates sand, it’s slightly less horrifying than the prospect of swimming in the ocean, so he’ll take it. Jack peels his shirt off and heads down towards the shore where Michael, Gavin and Geoff are already splashing each other, deeply concentrating on some kind of aqua-battle.

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave you up here alone.” Ryan says, bumping his shoulder against Ray’s lightly, pulling his attention away from the idiots in the water. Ray frowns.

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s fine, I’m not a lover of swimming either.” Ryan shrugs, smiling.

This is how Ray finds himself sat on a towel over the sand alone with Ryan, talking. The others are more than content to spend the day in the ocean, only occasionally coming up for a beer. Michael’s shoulders look a painful red colour within the hour, but he doesn’t seem to notice with Gavin’s tongue down his throat. Ryan flicks sand at the two, and they run away, back into the sea.

“Assholes.” Ray mutters, fondly.

“Aren’t they your best friends?” Ryan asks. Ray smiles.

“Yeah, they’re pretty great actually. I’m just generally bitter.”

Ryan laughs at that, and Ray can’t help but grin- not at his own joke, but at the sound of Ryan’s laugh, all deep and evil genius-sounding.

“Who’s worse?” Ryan asks. “Michael or Gavin?”

“Gavin for sure.” Ray answers. He doesn’t even need a moment to think, making Ryan raise an eyebrow questioningly.  “I love the idiot to death, but he’s always getting involved in stuff he shouldn’t be.”

“How so?” Ryan asks. Ray shrugs.

“I don’t know, I guess like- the other day for example, before Michael got back, I stayed at his place. And, he just kept asking me all these questions about whether I liked anyone and wanted to fucking shack up with somebody, shit like that?”

“Oh…” Ryan nods, like he knows the kind of awkward situation. “Geoff’s one of those friends.”

“Really?” Ryan nods. “Hm. I’d never have guessed. Gav’s probably worse though.” Ray says.

“What was he grilling you about?” Ryan asks. Ray scoffs.

“You, mainly.” He laughs. Ryan raises an eyebrow questioningly. “He just kept on insisting that we were like… secretly banging.” He explains. Ryan smirks.

“How did he discover our secret though?”

Ray laughs, sharp and loud. “I know. Seriously though, he was super convinced. And when I was like we’re just friends, he was all like… oh but he’s hot and stuff, and I was like yeah but it’s not like that with us so-”

“You think I’m hot?”

Ray freezes, and his cheeks redden. _Shit_ , he thinks to himself, unable to look away from Ryan’s questioning icy gaze. _Wasn’t supposed to let that one slip_.

“Uh… yeah, I guess. Sorry?” he says. Ryan doesn’t reply, just sort of gives a half nod, making Ray’s stomach twist with uncertainty. “That’s totally weird, isn’t it?” he asks, breaking the silence. Ryan pauses for a moment, like he’s heavily considering his answer, which only makes the nerves in Ray’s gut flare harder.

“No.” He finally says, after what feels like several centuries. “If it means anything, I think you're pretty hot too.”

Ray pauses, a small smile spreading on his face. He isn’t sure if he’s mostly happy or mostly suspicious, but there’s definitely a mix of the two.

“You… you think I’m hot?”

“Yeah.” Ryan shrugs casually, leaning back slightly on his elbows, sipping from his diet coke can. Ray doesn’t press any further for information, because he’s honestly not sure if his heart can take it. The two fall into a comfortable silence sat up on the beach as the others come back an join them, Ryan easily melting back into friendly conversation as Ray silently watches on, unable to wipe the beam from his face.

 

 


	2. Collect Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan texts Ray all the way from Tahiti for roughly two dollars a text message. Ray's worth it.

** Chapter Two: Collect Calls **

 

 

****

The week after their trip to the beach flew by for Ray in leaps and bounds. Despite pretending to be pissed, he was kind of happy that Michael was back home and having a boy’s night without Gavin was a relief. Michael didn’t ask him any weird, leading questions about Ryan and didn’t push him to talk about any relationships, his and Gavin’s included.

Ray still asks though, mainly to be polite but also because he is curious. Because if he was, on the off chance, considering liking anyone that obviously wasn’t Ryan, he wants to know what he’s getting himself into. At the mention of Gavin’s name, Michael gets this weird dreamy sort of smirk on his face, and suddenly can’t hold eye contact anymore as he rambles about how happy he is and how they _just fit._

It’s terrifying. It’s like Michael’s on a new drug called _love_ and he’s having the best high of his damn life. Ray’s never been big on drugs, but maybe he wouldn’t be completely opposed to trying that one.

He manages to squeeze out one hang-out with Ryan at his place before the ex-senior is headed off to Tahiti with his rich family and the other rich family that his parents are friends with. Ryan shows him a picture of them all skiing in Austria earlier in the year, and Ray’s stomach curls in jealousy at a Ryan, in the middle of the photo, arms around a blonde girl who’s grinning not at the camera, but at him.

“That’s Kim.” He explains. “She’s their daughter, same age as me.”

“Holiday romance?” Ray teases, trying to disguise his bitterness with a joke. Thankfully, Ryan just scoffs. “No.” he shakes his head. “Putting it lightly, our… _preferences_ don’t quite match up. She’s pretty cool though.”

Ray’s stunned silence goes unnoticed by Ryan, who turns back to _Destiny_. Did Ryan just tell him he was gay? Or did he mean that the girl was? Did Ray maybe have a chance of developing his miniscule quirk of interest into something more?

Ryan jets off to Tahiti leaving Ray’s head full of cotton wool, as Gavin would put it. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so confused by himself in his life, so Ray does the only thing he can do in times of crisis.

He shuts himself in his room, and plays video games.

His gamerscore has gone up by two thousand by the time he gets the call from Geoff, demanding that Ray gets some sunlight by making the trip over to his place for an impromptu sleepover with him and Jack. When Ray asks where Michael and Gavin are gonna be, Geoff scoffs and asks if it is such a crime to want to hang out _without_ the married couple present for once.

Ray laughs, because even though he does love both Michael and Gavin to death, their ‘endearing’ actions get old _real_ quick, and he’s seen enough of them making out to last a lifetime. So he packs his stuff and grabs ten bucks for pizza, heading over to Geoff’s place on the other side of town.

Geoff’s house is a relief to him. It’s not all grand and fancy like Ryan’s, not semi-middle class like Gavin’s or constantly busy like Michael’s. It’s small and normal and a little rough around the edges, just like the house that Ray lives in. Almost like a home away from home, Ray feels like he fits in best at Geoff’s house.

Also, Geoff’s parents are never in, so they can basically do whatever they want.

Geoff smokes and Jack drinks light beer that he insists Geoff shares, because he’s cut off from liquor for another week. Geoff drinks a lot, that’s a known fact but over the past two weeks he’s been on a ‘cleanse’ as he calls it, letting his underage liver repair the damage done to it.

“Raymundo Narvaez Junior!” Geoff greets him. Ray rolls his eyes, but let’s Geoff hug him anyway. He’s never been big on close contact with people, but Geoff gives nice hugs.

“Hey, I got new ink, check it out-” Geoff lifts his jeans up to showcase another piece of art sat snugly between two others on his leg. Ray doesn’t understand what it is, nor the meaning, but nods politely and compliments it anyway. Jack ruffles his hair and Geoff hands him an Xbox controller.

The night goes on much like that. Normal.

Geoff smokes. Jack drinks light beer. Geoff shares, and doesn’t even ask to dip into his secret stash of Jack Daniel’s. Ray beats them at Xbox games, except for Peggle and Trials, where he finishes at a respectable second place.

He’s actually having a better time than he thought he would.

“So Ray. You and _Ryan_.”

Ray swears under his breath. Maybe he spoke to soon, because Geoff and Jack are giving him knowing looks similar to the ones he receives from Gavin every time he mentions Ryan’s name. Ray folds his arms and clutches the Xbox controller tightly in his fist.

“What about us?” He asks. Playing it cool seems like a good option. He hasn’t had the third degree from Geoff or Jack yet, so denial really is his only option. They don’t know his tells as well as Gavin and Michael do, but they might as well with the disbelieving looks they’re giving him.

“You guys are like secretly together, right? I’m not just imagining things, am I?” Geoff asks. Ray groans, throwing his head backwards.

“No Geoff. We’re not secretly together, we’re just friends.” He insists. Jack smirks.

“I don’t know. See, I would say Geoff is my friend… I don’t look at Geoff the way I see you looking at Ryan.” He states, matter-of-factly. Ray glares at him.

“Alright. Then we’re good friends,” he shrugs. “Still doesn’t mean anything.”

“Really? Come on Ray, be honest with us. We just want to know your intentions with sweet little Ryan.” Geoff teases, elbowing Ray lightly in the arm. “We don’t want either of you to… misread the situation and get hurt.”

Ray frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jack looks at Geoff and Geoff looks at Jack. Eventually, Jack looks at Ray, and shrugs.

“We don’t want it to turn into another Michael and Gavin situation, before they pulled their heads out of their asses and made up, okay? Believe us, we’re actually trying to look out for you Ray.”

When Jack talks, it lacks the jokey air of Geoff’s abrasive tone. Jack is so much softer, so much more genuine. It makes Ray sick to his stomach.

“I-We’re just friends.” He whines. “I… so maybe I have the tiniest crush on him. It’s no big deal, okay? He probably doesn’t even feel the same, so I’m just gonna ignore it.” He shrugs. Jack says nothing, just sits back against the couch. Geoff smirks at Ray.

“Sure he doesn’t.” he says, smarmy and knowing as ever. Ray rolls his eyes, and un-pauses the match on screen. “Whatever.” He mumbles. He doesn’t have time for all this questioning bullshit. So he’s maybe got this… _thing_ for Ryan, its’ no big deal. He’ll get over it.

 

* * *

 

_From: The Mad King_

_Hey. I miss you._

 

-

 

_To: The Mad King_

_Aren’t you still in Tahiti?_

 

_-_

 

_From: The Mad King_

_Yupp_

 

_-_

 

_To: The Mad King._

_Dude doesn’t it cost like $2 a text message? My moms gonna for real murder me… Also, when did you change your name in my phone?_

 

_-_

 

_From: The Mad King_

_Don’t worry, you’re just receiving and replying, so it’s only costing me $2 a text message. And I changed it just before I left. Besides, it’s worth it to talk to you._

 

Ray grins at his phone, before scolding himself. _Fuck_ , why is he acting like a twelve-year-old in a Disney Channel show he never got to watch because they couldn’t afford cable? So what, Ryan misses him? So what, Ryan is willing to pay $2 a message to talk to him? He’s rich anyway, as Gavin keeps pointing out. It probably doesn’t even register.

Ray shakes his head and groans. Obviously, that isn’t true, because Ryan is anything but a frivolous asshole, and if he’s making his parents pay $2 a message with an additional charge to receive Ray’s messages, he’ll probably end up paying them back out of his allowance or something like that. Ryan’s big stupid softie like that, and Ray finds it so fucking endearing that he wants to vomit.

He doesn’t want to fall for Ryan, he really doesn’t. He’s had unrequited crushes before, but never within his own tiny friendship group. He really doesn’t want to risk fucking that up, because aside from Michael and Gavin and sort of Kerry and Miles and that small group, he’s never had any real close friends. And Ryan is a pretty close friend.

Despite how much he tries to tell himself to not bother replying in a feeble effort to postpone any future heartbreak, his alarm clock is ticking past two am and he’s still up texting Ryan behind itchy, tired eyes. He’s an idiot, really, but Ryan’s so god damn charming even over text- it’s really unfair on him. It’s growing to the point where he’s actually struggling to make-out the words on his screen, and he knows it’s gotta stop.

 

_To: The RAD King_

_As much as I’d love to chat to you all night, I might pass out. I’m so tired. I don’t know what time it is in Tahiti, but right now it’s two am. Night dude <3_

 

The pixelated heart is sent as a last minute addition, and before he can actually chicken out it’s up in cyberspace, flying through the hair all the way to Tahiti where he imagines Ryan waits, probably laid out on a deck chair sipping virgin cocktails by a hot-tub with his possibly gay, possibly straight blonde ‘friend’.

 

_From: The RAD King_

_It’s 9pm here, so I should probably go to sleep anyway. Goodnight, Ray <3_

 

Ray falls asleep with his phone rested on his chest, a stupid sleepy smile sat on his face at the mere idea of Ryan, sending a fucking text heart to him.

He’s in way deeper than he first thought.

 

* * *

 

Gavin greets Michael with a wide grin, standing on his boyfriend’s doorstep with a freshly picked bunch of flowers in his left hand, chips and dip cradled against his chest with his right.

“Hiya, boi!”

“Gav!” Michael steps back, letting Gavin enter the house, but he doesn’t look excited. He peers quickly around the narrow hallway, a silent surveillance to check if they are alone or not. Gavin sighs inwardly, unwilling to let Michael know that he knows- and always fucking knows that Michael can’t stand the thought of someone seeing them. Michael is always like this when Gavin surprises him. Sure, Michael can show up on his doorstep with cold pizza at nine PM and Gavin will always greet him with a cuddle and a kiss on the cheek, but it never quite works the other way around.

Because Michael’s parents _don’t know_ that he’s gay. And as far as Michael is concerned, they don’t need to.

Gavin’s flowers are left laid on Michael’s windowsill, petals already beginning to dry from the direct sunlight. Michael peeks around his door for the thousandth time before closing it, resting against it with a relieved sigh.

“My mom’s the only person here, and she’s downstairs, so we should be good.”

Gavin crosses his legs in the middle of Michael’s bed. “What about your dad, and your brothers? Where are they?”

Michael shrugs, unwilling to meet Gavin’s eyes. “Dad took ‘em out fishing or some bullshit. Said he didn’t think it’d be my kinda thing.”

“Oh, Michael-”

“It’s fine.” Michael shrugs, turning his back to Gavin as he routes around in his sock drawer where he keeps his cigarettes. “He’s fucking right. I hate fish, you know that.”

He offers Gavin a cigarette, but he shakes his head.

“Suit yourself.” Michael shrugs, lighting his with a silver zippo Gavin has never seen before. He’s been best friends with Michael forever, and even in their romantic relationship he still feels like there’s so much about his _boi_ that he still doesn’t even know.

“I’m sorry.” Michael says, seemingly out of nowhere. Gavin just smiles. No matter how shitty things can feel, Michael can always tell when he’s upset. Michael sits down on the bed beside him, and bumps Gavin’s shoulder affectionately with his. Gavin takes the hint and rests his head in the crook of Michael’s neck. “You know I hate this sneaking around shit too.”

The stale smell of cigarette smoke lingers around the pair. “I want to tell my parents Michael.” He says. “I hate lying to them.”

“Yeah, but you know we can’t Gav.” Michael sighs, rubbing his face softly against Gavin’s hair. “It’s different for you. My parents still think I’m into the girl across the street, yours know the truth.”

Gavin only shrugs. It’s a fight for another day, another night, another sleepover. They can go round and round in circles a thousand times; it isn’t going to change. Michael won’t ever budge once he’s dug his heels into something..

“It’s fine.” He lies. “I can wait.” As an afterthought, laid back on Michael’s bed he adds, “But you’ll have to tell them the truth eventually.”

He’s expecting it to end after that. In the safety of Michael’s bedroom, they can play games and smoke and kiss and cuddle. Maybe they can get away with fooling around if nobody comes knocking for a few hours. Michael will never loose himself in it like he does when he’s laid in Gavin’s bed, but he’ll commit just enough to keep the Brit happy.

Instead of this, Michael stiffens beside him, sitting back. Gavin leans up off of him.

“What?”

“What if I don’t fucking want to tell them the truth?” Michael asks gruffly. Gavin rolls his eyes at the pathetic excuse.

“Come on Michael, what’s the worst that could happen?” he asks with a smirk, laying back on Michael’s bed. He’s done arguing, for now anyway. Michael’s never going to let him win and it’s much easier for them both to laugh it off as a joke and keep going on as if everything is as perfect as their friends think it is.

“Good one Gav.” Michael scoffs, lying back next to him. “I think we both can imagine some pretty shitty stuff.”

Michael doesn’t say anything after that, just rolls over to rest his face in Gavin’s neck, lips pressing tiny kisses into the skin. Gavin doesn’t stop him, but he still worries. He can do secrets, despite how dumb some people think he is. If Michael wants him to carry on keeping things between them, then he will. But that doesn’t stop him from worrying what really will happen when they do get caught- because they _will_ get caught.

Getting caught is just about the only thing he can guarantee in their relationship.

 

* * *

 

Gavin doesn’t stay over Michael’s that night, and almost laughs at himself. It’s like a walk of shame, the short walk from Michael’s house to Geoff’s, hickeys on his neck and cigarette smoke lingering in his hair. He rolls his parting gift, Michael’s last cigarette between his fingers fondly, before tossing it away into a nearby gutter, unlit and unused.

Without bothering to even check if the gent is in, he knocks at Geoff’s door confidently, and like magic, he appears. Geoff isn’t even drunk, which is a relief. Jack had mentioned he was on a cleanse.

Geoff doesn’t say anything, just looks Gavin up and down briefly before scoffing, and nodding for the Brit to head inside. Gavin flops down on the couch where Geoff is already sat, Xbox controller in hand, Gavin’s _player 2_ flashing ready and waiting on the screen.

Gavin shoves the controller away when it’s handed to him.

“I didn’t come here to play games, Geoff.” He says, laying back on the couch with his head at the armrest and his feet in Geoff’s lap. Geoff rolls his eyes.

“Boyfriend trouble?” he asks. Gavin grins.

“How’d you know?”

Geoff shrugs. “Lucky guess.”

Gavin tells Geoff everything. With Geoff, it doesn’t feel like they’ve known each other for barely a few academic months. Geoff is like his older brother, his fun uncle, his drunken deadbeat dad. Geoff is the one person other than Michael that he can really confide _everything_ in.

“I don’t know, kid.” Geoff sighs, absentmindedly rubbing at Gavin’s hairy leg. “It’s a touchy subject, and you can’t push Michael into coming out if he’s not ready, nor can you expect his parents to be as accepting as yours are. The world doesn’t work that way, no matter how much we wish it does.”

Gavin sighs, because as usual- Geoff is right. Geoff is always right, especially when it comes to Michael.

“I know.” He finally relents. “You’re right. I shouldn’t be mad at him for something he can’t really control. I’m just tired of feeling like some kind of dirty little secret.”

“You’re not, and don’t think that for a second.” Geoff warns him, an oddly serious edge coming to his tone. Gavin sits up.

“Alright.” He swallows.

“Michael loves you, alright? And the moment you stop believing that is the moment your relationship will crash and burn. And I know you don’t want that.”

Geoff’s words sit heavy in his stomach, like a six slices of pizza and seven or so beers. When Geoff leaves to go to the bathroom, Gavin pulls his phone from his pants and shoots off a quick text.

 

_To: Michael <3333_

_I’m sorry for hounding you earlier. Whatever you want to do, coming out or never coming out, I’ll support you for ever and ever. Xx_

 

His reply comes through a movie and a half later.

 

_From: Michael <3333_

_Thanks Gav. You’re the best. I love you xx_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so leave a comment if you liked it!?


	3. In(toxic)ated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan returns home early, without his parents, and Geoff convinces him to throw a party. Ray hates parties, alcohol, dancing and drunk people, among other things.
> 
> Or at least, he's pretty sure he does.

** Chapter Three: In(toxic)ated **

 

 

 

Being one of the youngest in the group didn’t stop Ray from learning to drive. It was general lack of interest and fear of collision that stopped Ray from learning to drive. Ryan is the one usually begging him to sit behind the wheel in an empty parking lot for a few hours, but Ray outright refuses. What does he need to drive for anyway? He’s got friends and the bus to do that shit for him.

Being in the passenger seat is his comfort zone, and he isn’t particularly willing to step out of it. Jack is usually the one who ferries him between GameStop and his house when his mom is busy, but Ray knows he doesn’t really mind, because his graduation pickup truck is like his baby and he’ll take any chance he gets to drive it out of his parent’s dusty garage.

“So I bet you’re excited for tomorrow.” Jack smirks as they pull out of the GameStop parking lot, heading up the freeway to the McDonald’s drive-thru, Ray’s treat.

“Am I?” Ray asks, confused. “What’s tomorrow?”

“Ryan?” Jack says, as if _that’s_ going to give Ray any fucking hint as to what he’s talking about. Jack raises his eyebrows a few more times, but Ray’s expression remains blank. Jack then rolls his eyes, like _Ray’s_ the one acting weird.

“Ryan’s coming home tomorrow. Remember?”

Ray frowns. “No… He’s away for another week, idiot. He said they’d be gone for two.”

“He’s coming home early, alone… he didn’t tell you?” Jack asks. The car turns silent, Ray refusing to look anywhere but the stretch of road in front of him. If Ryan was coming back early, why wouldn’t he tell Ray? Why would he tell Jack, out of all of them?

Ray understands that Jack and Geoff are Ryan’s oldest friends, but he's been the one texting constantly the whole time Ryan had been away. He couldn’t have just… forgotten to mention it, could he?

Ray can’t help but feel a little bit not-special at the idea of Ryan texting Jack at two dollars a text message. His phone beeps as Jack silently pulls into the drive-thru, Ryan’s name flashing on the screen. Ray decides to ignore it.

“Everything okay, Ray?” Jack asks quietly. Ray nods his head.

“Yeah. He probably forgot to mention it, no big deal.” He lies with a flippant shrug. “What are you getting? I’m thinking of getting a quarter-pounder.”

“Cool.” Jack nods, but the way his eyes linger on Ray’s face for just a second too long tells him that his act, isn’t quite convincing enough. Jack’s either really good at reading people face value, or Ray’s just getting worse at hiding his emotions when they come to Ryan. Both worry him equally.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time the sixth text had come through, Ray had shut his phone off altogether. It’s ridiculously difficult to not just give in and text Ryan back- to talk like nothing’s wrong and he’s not even upset. (because he’s not. He’s not fucking upset he’s _not fucking upset)_

And yeah, maybe he’s making the tiniest mountain out of a stupid mole-hill. Ray doesn’t care that it’s stupid and it’s childish and it’s really probably selfish. It fucking  _hurts_. He isn’t sure why- all he’s sure of is that Ryan’s coming back from Tahiti early, and hadn’t even told him about it and it _hurts_. Ray’s dumb crush on Ryan aside, they’re friends and it’s something he’d liked to have known.

What he and Ryan has, friendship or more, is special.There were plenty of times where they’d have their own hang-outs in secret without the others, just the two of them playing Xbox together and eating take-out and avoiding Ray’s lingering more-than-friendly feelings.

So what? Ryan was just going to come back a week early and spend it _without_ Ray? It sounds stupid and childish and selfish because it _is_ all of those things, doubled. Ray doesn’t know why, but he really thought he fucking deserved more than that. He’d been the one that’d had to hide his dumb barely-there feelings for so long. He was the one who’s been keeping Ryan company through what sounded like an abysmal trip. He’d been the one who-

Ray’s stream of consciousness is interrupted by a tap at his window. It can’t have been a knock, due to the sharp almost cracking sound at the glass coupled with the fact that Ray’s bedroom is on the second floor.

At first, he ignores it. Maybe it’s a stupid bird or a stupid squirrel- he does live right next to a ginormous tree. Maybe he’s just imagined the stupid sound to stop wallowing in self-pity because his fucking crush hadn’t told him he was back in the country.

Then he hears it again, and again a third time.

Ray hops out of bed and approaches the window hesitantly. Either someone really wants his attention, or he’s about to be murdered. There _is_ the third option, that he’s simply going crazy- but he isn’t quite willing to delve into that particular theory just yet.

He cracks open his window.

“Ray!”

Ray freezes. The fact that he recognises the voice before he even see's who's standing outside his house makes him nauseous.

He pushes his window open and hangs his head out of it, eyes blinking and unfocused because he’s left his glasses behind on the nightstand. However Ray doesn’t need 20/20 vision to make out Ryan’s _prep-mobile_ nor Ryan himself, standing outside his window with a bunch of pebbles in his hands.

“Asshole.” Ray whispers, but his anger feels less than genuine. “I’ll be right down.”

He pulls his purple hoodie over his T-shirt and Basketball shorts, stuffs his barefeet into his Vans and grabs his glasses off the nightstand, before tiptoeing out of his bedroom, down the stairs and out the front door. He silently pulls his mother’s house key off the hook nailed to the door, and slips it under the doormat on his way out.

What? He _is_ sort-of mad at Ryan, but that certainly doesn’t seem to be stopping him from sneaking out into The guy's car without so much as a single hesitation.

Ryan looks even better in-focus. He’s tanned, hair grown out to the perfect stage of not too long but wavy enough that Ray has always loved. He even has the faintest hint of facial hair around his upper lip, something Ryan is often severely lacking compared to Geoff and Jack’s constantly sprouting faces. Geoff likes his dark and patchy facial hair because it makes him look older. Jack likes his… well, he tolerates it, because the bushy beard it just keeps growing back so God-damn quickly every time he has at it with the clippers.

“Hey,” Ryan grins, leant against his car. Ray can’t help but run into him, hugging Ryan tightly before remembering that he’s supposed to be mad. But, Ryan gives really nice hugs and smells like aeroplane, in the good way. The faintest stretch of the hair at his chin across Ray’s forehead is oddly pleasant, and as usual- Ryan is warm.

“Asshole. I’m meant to be mad at you.” Ray pushes away reluctantly, folding his arms tightly across his chest. Ryan’s face falls.

“Is that why you haven’t been answering my texts?” he asks, voice pitching slightly with concern. Ray grits his teeth, wanting nothing more than to give in to that stupid fucking puppy-dog look Ryan wears on his face. It takes will, but he looks past it and  nods in agreement.

“What did I do?” Ryan asks. Ray hesitates for a moment. On one hand, it would be really nice to whisper-yell at Ryan in the quiet street and make him apologise. On the other hand, he doesn’t want Ryan to think he’s acting like a giant baby- which he absolutely is.

“Ray?”

Ray sighs. Lying to Ryan is never a feasible option- the asshole knows him far too well considering they’ve been friends for less than a year.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming home early.” He admits quietly, but in the empty street it feels like a shout. “Apparently, everyone knew except me and… I guess it made me feel shitty.”

Ryan relaxes and that makes Ray immediately annoyed. “That’s it?” Ryan asks, casual as ever. Ray frowns and starts to wonder if maybe Ryan does deserve the previously considered whisper-yell scolding, because he’s being oddly insensitive at Ray’s now totally-justified upset. Ray nods silently and Ryan smiles.

“Ray, I wanted to surprise you.”

Oh. Ray stills at that. Ryan had wanted to surprise him? Well, that’s oddly thoughtful and grossly cute. How is he supposed to stop having a giant crush on his friend now?

“You…you wanted to surprise me?” he asks. Ryan nods and grins so genuinely that it tugs at Ray’s heartstrings both metaphorically and literally, he thinks as a dull throb of guilt is felt at his chest. Ryan opens the passenger door to his car and beckons for Ray to get inside.

“Yeah. I guess it didn’t work as well as I hoped, who ratted me out? Was it Jack?” he asks as Ray climbed into the car. Ray feels a soft smile come onto his face as Ryan slams the door, heading round to the driver’s side. So Ryan didn’t quite forget about him after all.

It’s still stupid and childish and selfish, but it does make him feel warm inside.

“Yeah,” he says, as Ryan fires up the engine. “It was Jack. He didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to know though, asshole! He was looking at me like a fucking beat-up puppy. He thought you’d forgotten about me!”

Ryan smiles at him, and it it’s all so smooth that Ray feels like swooning and vomiting at the same time.

“Like I could ever forget about you.” Ryan's voice drips like honey off the end of his silver tongue.

Ray can’t even attempt to fight the blush off his cheeks at that. He chooses instead to stay silent, as Ryan drives away from his house. He doesn’t even know where they’re going, and he doesn’t suspect Ryan knows either, but he trusts him nonetheless. He trusts Ryan with everything he has.

They drive for a little while, Ryan talking about Tahiti and his parents driving him insane until he begged them to book him a ticket to head home early. When Ray asks about the girl from the photo, Ryan explains that she had brought her boyfriend along on the vacation with her, and while they were both nice to hang out with- he was totally third wheeling.

 _Her boyfriend_ … Ray thinks to himself. Considering his previous comment about her, does this mean Ryan _is_ gay? He quickly decides not to ask, because maybe Ryan hadn’t meant what he said or simply didn’t want people to know. He knows how it feels to be unsure what way you swing, or if you even swing at all.

“Sorry again, for not telling you I was flying back early.” Ryan apologises, as the car pulls up beside the park. The streets are dark and empty, and Ray is oddly calmed by the quiet, matched with the dulcet tone of Ryan’s voice. “I really did just want to surprise you.”

“It’s fine.” Ray replies. “I was being stupid anyway. Sorry you had a shitty vacation.”

“That’s alright.” Ryan shrugs. “Being… away, gave me some time to think, you know?” Ray shakes his head. He doesn’t know. He rarely ever really _knows_ when it comes to the enigma of James Ryan Haywood.

Ryan swallows and his Adam’s apple bobs nervously. “It, uh… got me thinking about me. And you- and me and you. I guess.”

Ray freezes. “What about me and you?” he asks.

The car quickly turns as silent as the night outside of them. Ray watches Ryan says nothing, eyes darting between the empty road and the steering wheel and the park and the sky, until finally, he flicks the engine back on and the quiet rumbling of the car fills the vast silence.

“Nothing, forget about it.”

Ray turns, away from Ryan, instead focusing his gaze out of the window. He’ll be damned if he’s going to let Ryan see him upset. Who knows what the asshole was even going to say? There is no guarantee it was going to be some stupid declaration of stupid love anyway, so why dwell on it for long?

Ray tells himself these things, but he knows in reality that he’ll probably be up for the rest of the night reliving the moment and over thinking it in excruciating detail.

“It’s late.” Ray says, hoping he doesn’t sound as choked up as he feels. “I should get going. I’ll text you though.”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods. “Geoff’s convinced me to throw another party on Friday night cause my parents are away, so I’ll definitely see you then. It should be… fun, I guess.”

“Yeah.” Ray shrugs. “Should be. I guess.”

Ryan drives him home in silence. Ray hops out the car without looking back, and runs to his door, slipping the key out from under the mat and quietly lets himself in. Once he has finally mustered up the courage to turn and look back, Ryan is already gone, shiny white car barely a blur on the distant road.

 

* * *

 

 

Going from not talking to Ryan for a day due to a stupid misunderstanding at the fault of one Jack Pattillo, to instantly forgiving the loveable rich kid to suddenly being unsure of where they stood in one night is a little borderline too-much for Ray to handle.

So he goes into shut-down for a couple of days, improves his gamerscore by a couple of thousand and consumes more than a couple hundred potato chips. By the time he feels recovered, it’s the dreaded night of Ryan’s not-so-long awaited party and he’s reluctantly agreed to go over to Michael’s place before-hand so they can go together.

Michael’s brother had been generous enough to leave Michael his car as he headed off on vacation with his girlfriend’s family, and Michael is itching to put his new licence to good use. So Ray sucks up the weird feelings that were settling in his gut and jumps on the bus to Michael’s place.

Michael’s mom and dad are there, but are settled in the living room together watching late Friday Night television and being generally oblivious to the crate of beers and bottle of Vodka that the Gavin and Michael are inconspicuously trying to smuggle from Michael’s room to his brother’s car. For a few moments, Ray marvels at how clueless the Jones’ really were. That, or they were used to three other elder boys smuggling alcohol from their bedrooms to parties and none of them have died yet, so they turn a blind eye.

It is probably the latter.

“Come on, that’s everything.” Gavin stretches so his shirt riding up and a little bit of his midriff shows. Ray attempts to ignore Michael’s hungry gaze, and wonders how many days he’d actually been grounded for after showing up from Gavin’s late and covered in hickeys.

“Yeah, let’s leave.” Ray scoffs, rolling his eyes at the pair. Michael yells a goodbye to his parents, who yell back from the TV equally as loud and then slams the door shut behind the three.

“This party is gonna be _brill_!” Gavin exclaims, climbing into the passenger seat as Ray takes the back bench. No way is he gonna sit next to either one of the horny teenagers. Maybe Gavin will distract Michael enough with his hairy stomach that he’ll crash and they’ll all just die before Ray has to face the awkwardness of Ryan.

“Brill. Fuck off with your fake words, Gavin!” Michael laughs. Then, the usual cycle of Gavin defending his outlandish vocabulary and Michael telling him to shut up begins, right on queue as Ray silently brews over his thoughts in the back.

He’s barely spoken to Ryan since the night he showed up under his window. They’d attempted a few text conversations, but everything was a little stilted and bumpy, bordering on downright unpleasant to the point where Ray had just given up. This is it. Either, they talk at the party and everything goes back to normal, or they’ll never speak again. Maybe Ray can even take the time out to get over his stupid, childish, _foolish_ and _unrequited_ crush.

“Ray!”

“Huh?!” Ray is startled by Michael’s shout, and sits bolt upright. “What?”

“Dude, you crashed out. We’re here.” Michael nods towards Ryan’s house.

“Oh. Right.” He nods.

Michael frowns at him. “You sure you’re okay, man? I know parties aren’t really your scene… I’ll take you home if you want.”

“No,” Ray shakes his head. Michael cares about him, he knows that and greatly appreciates it- but he doesn’t need an excuse to pussy out. “It’s fine I was just… whatever- let’s head inside.”

Michael still looks sceptical, but Gavin is already climbing out of the car and unloading the beer from the trunk as another kid from their school, Blaine, jogs over to help him. People arrive in pairs and groups, alcohol clutched in their fists like it’s the most precious thing they own. To the teenagers that don’t choose stray away from alcohol, Ray guesses it is.

He heads from the car into the house empty handed, leaving Michael and Gavin behind to bicker about who’s carrying what. After a few beers, they’ll probably either stumble upstairs into a bedroom or out into the car to give each other hand-jobs anyway, so he isn’t counting much on seeing them for the rest of the night.

He spots Ryan straight away, talking animatedly to some girl he doesn’t recognise with purple hair, but then, there aren’t many girls Ray knows in the first place, considering they attend an all-boys school and he’s fairly sure he’s gay. He barely knows Lindsay and her friends, through Michael.

“Hey, Ray.” Barbara, one of Lindsay’s aforementioned friends smiles at him as he approaches the drinks table. With his arms at her waist is her new boyfriend, some guy from the local high school called Aaron. He seems friendly enough, engaging in polite but not intrusive conversation with Ray, before heading off to talk with Chris Demarais.

“You okay Ray?” Barbara asks with a frown. “You look kind of…down.”

“It’s nothing,” Ray shakes his head. The last thing he needs is Barbara finding out about his… predicament. He’s weirdly thirsty- likely from the nerves- but Ryan and the purple-haired girl are standing right by the kitchen grinning at each other, oblivious to the way they have him trapped him across the room. He scans the table. “Is there anything non-alcoholic here?” he asks with a sigh.

“I _think_ the punch is safe.” Barbara replies, nodding to the glass bowl in the centre. Ray grabs a cup and pours himself a hefty amount, dipping his tongue into the rim. Whatever it is, it’s sweet and probably eighty percent sugar, so Ray downs the glass, before pouring another.

“Thirsty?” Barbara asks with a laugh, as Ray chugs half of his second glass. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, and nods.

“Yeah.” He says. “Who knows… maybe I’ll get a sugar rush and lighten up a bit.”

 

* * *

 

There was no way sneaking into Ryan’s room or his parent’s room is going to be possible, with the giant signs saying _no enter or die_ plastered across most of the upstairs, so Michael and Gavin have to settle for the top floor bathroom that everyone else had been instructed not to use. But, they’re Ryan’s friends and they’ve been to his house plenty of times, so they’re pretty sure Ryan won’t murder them or anything.

Maybe.

A quick blowjob and a surprisingly sufficient hand-job later, Michael and Gavin have doused the flames of their sexual frustration and are more than happy to feel the dull buzz of alcohol beginning to flood their systems. The party has been alive for a couple hours, heading more towards the end than the beginning, and it was the perfect point, because it was where everyone was at their drunkest.

Geoff, despite his cleanse, has gone all out on everyone else’s enjoyment, supplying more than enough spirits that he was previously hoarding in his bedroom to teenagers looking to get their kick. When questioned about his sudden generosity by Gavin, Geoff shrugs and explains that he’d rather have it go to good use than go to waste.

“But- you could save that!” Gavin exclaims with a laugh. “And then, when you are drinking again, think of the massive bev-fest you could have!”

Geoff rolls his eyes. “I can always get more asshole. And you don’t sound nearly drunk enough, you need to loosen up and have some real fun- not just the dick kind.” He teases. Michael blushes. Gavin only laughs as Geoff smirks at the two. “Yeah, don’t think nobody saw you sneak upstairs to the top floor bathroom. Be lucky I convinced Ryan not to murder you.”

“Whatever.” Michael interjects, quick to change the subject. “Speaking of Ryan, where’s Ray? They haven’t snuck off to finally bang yet, have they?”

Jack scoffs. “Yeah, we wish. Ray’s there.” He points across the room, to where Ray is standing in the middle of the dancefloor with Kerry Shawcross, laughing loudly with his arms raised above his head, dopey smile on his face. He’s swaying out of time with the music, but doesn’t seem to care, way too busy sipping from his paper cup and laughing hysterically at whatever it is Kerry seems to be saying.

Kerry was always wasted at parties- being lightweight by nature- but the way Ray mirrors his behaviour, being so loud and wobbly and not self-conscious makes Michael instantly frown. Ray doesn’t drink at all, and that’s by choice. He hates alcohol and he hates drunk people in general- he always has done, so there is absolutely no way in _hell_ he could be… could he?

“Ray’s drunk!” Gavin splutters, saying- as usual- what everyone else is thinking. “Look at him, Geoff! He’s absolutely _gone!_ ”

Geoff frowns. “Hey, Ray?” he calls, getting the lad’s attention and beckoning him over. Ray stumbles his way over to the group, leaving Kerry behind in a fit of laughter.

“Hey… guys!” he slurs, voice loud and brash. Geoff grabs Ray by the ruddy cheeks, holding him still and inspecting his dark eyes. Ray’s pupils are blown wide, wider than they usually are after staring at his phone awkwardly in the corner for too long.

“Woah, Geoff- you gonna kiss me or somethin’?” He giggles. Geoff let’s go of Ray’s head, and snatches his drink away.

“He’s absolutely hammered, Michael- go and get Ryan. Do you think his drink’s been spiked?” Geoff asks with a tinge of worry painting his voice as he turns Jack, who shrugs doubtfully and inspects the cup.

“It’s only our friends here, nobody’d pull that shit.” He points out. He takes the cup from Geoff, and sniffs it, before shrugging and taking a sip. His eyes widened as he pulled the cup from his lips.

“What?” Geoff asks. “Is it spiked?”

“Nope.” Jack shakes his head, laughing slightly. “It tastes like… _Peach_ _Schnapps_?” After a few second, Jack’s face screws up at the aftertaste and his cheeks tint pink. “…a good splash of vodka in there too, I’d guess. _”_

“What’s a schnapps, Geoff?” Ray hiccups. Before Geoff can reply, Ryan has made his way across the room in a rush, eyes wide and full of worry.

“Is he okay?” is the first thing he asks, holding Ray by the shoulders to steady him. Ray grins up at Ryan, leaning forwards to rest against Ryan’s chest. “You’re warm.” He mumbles. “Lovely…Ryan.” He yawns loudly, distorting Ryan’s name in his mouth.

“He’s been drinking some kind of _Peach_ _Schnapps_ death cocktail like fucking water all night.” Geoff scoffs. “Guess the punch wasn’t just punch?”

“No, God- it’s all alcoholic. And people have been adding vodka and shit to it as the night goes on… I’m so _stupid_ , I should’ve stayed with him- I shouldn’t have let him-”

“-It’s not your fault Ryan, calm down- he isn’t going to die.” Jack laughs. “Just put him to bed, let him sleep it off. If he’s lucky, he won’t be hungover as shit tomorrow.”

“Alright, yeah.” Ryan sighs, hugging Ray tightly and rubbing his hands on his back. Ray has already begun to drift off, glasses pressed awkwardly into Ryan’s ribcage. Ryan lifts Ray like a feather, slinging him over his shoulder with ease.

“Fireman’s lift, huh?” Ray mumbles. “Sexy.”

Ryan blushes, as the rest of the group laugh behind him. “Whatever. I’m taking him to bed. Make sure nothing breaks whilst I’m gone.”

 

* * *

 

Ryan carries Ray up the stairs, past the drunken party goers and the passed out guests. He’s got a fair amount of cleaning up to do tomorrow, but then, that’s what he gets when he lets Geoff Ramsey convince him into doing anything.

Ray isn’t particularly heavy- in fact he’s shockingly light in a way Ryan wasn’t expecting despite his skinny figure. With the amount of terrible food Ray could be found stuffing his face with on a regular basis, Ryan had expected there to be some weight somewhere. He was wrong, however and has barely broken sweat by the time he takes Ray into his bedroom. Ray is still awake, but only barely, muttering nonsensical sentiments as Ryan lays him down on the bed, strips off his shoes and begins to unbutton his jeans.

“Stripping me now?” Ray teases, writhing around the bed. Ryan grabs his hips forcefully, and pushes them down.

“Yes.” He replies. “You’re not going to want to wake up in your clothes tomorrow, and you’re not gonna wanna have to wear stuff that you’ve slept in home.”

Ray is mostly compliant after that, allowing Ryan to shed him of his clothes until he’s down to his tight black boxer-briefs. Ryan tries really hard not to look, but ultimately fails, cheeks heating up as Ray throws his arms over behind his head and stretches like a cat, back arching. There’s several other ways Ray could be arching his back in Ryan’s bed- or at least there are in his filthy _filthy_ mind, but now isn’t the time for any that. Ryan turns his back for barely a few seconds, grabbing a t-shirt and shorts for his friend to wear, but by the time he’s turned back Ray is halfway on the floor, laid out on his stomach across the bed.

His ass looks like a ripened peach, but Ryan pushes all thoughts like that down into the dark recesses of his mind. They sit with memories of jacking off to his eight grade Math teacher, (Mr Morisson did have really nice eyes- not as nice as Ray’s, but pretty good.)

It’s almost like a fight, wresting Ray into clothes. He’s pliant at first, but once the T-shirt is on Ray insists he doesn’t need any more clothes, and fights to get under Ryan’s blankets. Eventually, Ryan gives up and tosses the shorts to the floor, sitting on the bed next to the spot where Ray’s person-shaped bump is.

“You okay?” he asks. Ray nods, glasses making a faint plastic-y sound as they bump against his skull. His eyes are already closed, so figuring he’s probably falling to sleep, Ryan slips the glasses off Ray’s face and rests them on the nightstand.

“I’m warning you now. You better not puke in my bed.” He says, but feels weirdly fond as he does so. He’s never thought the image of anyone vomiting could be looked on fondly, but as he reaches out to rub at Ray’s dark hair, he decided the younger makes anything possible.

“Don’t feel sick.” Ray mumbles sleepily. Ryan takes his hand away, Ray whines until he puts it back. Like a pliant cat, a soft smile forms on his face and he leans into Ryan’s touch.

“Okay, kitty.” Ryan teases. “Get some sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning.”

When he leans forwards, his intention is to kiss Ray on the forehead. But Ray’s eyes open as he does so, rich brown saucers wide and frozen and taking in his every move. Ryan is stuck- almost as if someone’s paused him- hovering barely a few inches from Ray’s face.

Ryan doesn’t say anything, but Ray speaks enough for the both of them without the use of any words. He leans forwards and smashes his lips against Ryan’s, kissing him forcefully in a fit of Dutch courage. Ryan wants to pull away because Ray is drunk and probably not thinking straight, but his lips move separately from his rational thought processes and he’s pushing Ray down into the bed, kissing him openly and passionately.

Ray pulls away first, hanging onto Ryan’s lip briefly with his teeth before grinning, and turning over so he can wriggle further into Ryan’s bed. Ryan remains frozen, hovered above his friend, unsure what to do or say or even dare think.

“G’night Ryan.” Ray mumbles with a yawn.

Ryan swallows. “Yeah… goodnight Ray. I’ll come get you up tomorrow.”

 


	4. The Best/Worst Decision of Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little miscommunication goes a long way.

** Chapter Four: The Best/Worst Decision of Your Life **

 

 

 

When Ray wakes up, panic courses through his body because for the first time in… well _ever_ , he _doesn’t know where he is._

He sits bolt upright, and winces when a pain rushes through his head. His vision is blurred without his glasses and he isn’t sure what T-Shirt he has over his freezing body, but it definitely isn’t his- the foreign material feels wrong against his skin.

“Ray?”

Ray relaxes. He opens his eyes, properly for the first time as someone walks into the room and throws the curtains open. This is Ryan’s room. He’s in Ryan’s bed. He’s wearing Ryan’s T-shirt.

Ryan’s blurry figure walks towards him, knelt down by the bed with two gifts in his outstretched hands. Ray frowns, picking his glasses up from Ryan’s left hand. He attempts a mumbled _thanks_ but his mouth is so shockingly dry that he chokes.

“Here. Water’ll make you feel better. You’re probably really dehydrated.”

“Right.” He nods, taking the water willingly. He chugs half the glass without realising and chokes as it slips down his throat too quickly. Ryan pats him on the back sympathetically, an infuriatingly cute concerned expression on his face.

“Do you remember anything from last night?” Ryan asks. Ray groans, because like a strange hypnotherapeutic trigger, the blurry events of the night flood into his mind. Drinking ‘punch’ dancing, shouting, laughing. Ryan carried him up the stairs.

It’s all a little foggy after that, be he can sort of make out the image of Ryan’s face being very close to his. Ray blushes, and Ryan chuckles beside him.

“Yeah. You were pretty drunk.”

“I fucking hate alcohol.”

“I know.” Ryan laughs. “Keep drinking water, you’ll feel better. My house is a mess, if that’ll make you feel any better.”

“I can help you clean.” Ray offers. Ryan shakes his head.

“Ray, it’s fine. Seriously. Get some rest, sleep that hangover off. I’ll come wake you up in a few hours, we can do breakfast.”

Ryan’s walking out of the room before Ray can attempt to argue. However, he really doesn’t want to, and Ryan’s advice of laying right down and falling back to sleep sounds like the best god-damn offer in the world.

000000000000000000000000000

“Hey, sorry for being drunk and shit.” Ray mumbles around a mouthful of bacon from the plate Ryan had laid in front of him when he stumbled down into the kitchen. The room is remarkably clean; Ryan must be one of those secret neat freak types. As someone who also is a secret neat freak type, it pleases him in ways he can’t even describe.

Ryan smiles at him, and _fuck_ if it isn’t one of the most endearing displays Ray’s ever seen. All he wants to do is chug a few pills and stumble home to sleep off the embarrassment for the rest of his life, but here’s Ryan- fucking making him bacon and a milkshake (no whipped cream, just how he likes it. How did he know? Ray isn’t sure) and giving him his clothes and stuffing him with enough antibiotics to make him actually feel alive again.

“Don’t sweat it.” Ryan says. “You were pretty entertaining.”

Ray’s face burns and he buries it in his hands. Ryan laughs at him- but more in a nice way than a mean way. “God. What was I doing?” Ray asks. Ryan hums for a second, as if to recall a distant memory. Ray knows him too well and knows this is a front. Ryan is a smug sober asshole and probably has every drunken shenanigan crystal clear in his mind. Ryan also probably doesn’t want to torture him with embarrassment- but he’s embarrassed enough as it is, a little more can’t really _hurt_. Can it?

“Don’t try and think of a way to soften the blow. What the fuck did I do?” Ray demands. Ryan can’t help but laugh at that, grin shielded by the back of his hand.

“Alright. You were pretty drunk I suppose. You were dancing with Kerry- you challenged Barbara to some kind of high-note contest? I heard you were causing quite a stir in the kitchen because you kept trying to cook ramen. Also, you were pretty cuddly to everyone. Miles gave you a hickey.”

“That’s what this is!” Ray rubs at the red mark he had noticed on his shoulder. “I thought I’d been fucking burned or something.”

“No,” Ryan chuckles. “You said nobody’d ever gave you a hickey, Miles offered to do it for a dollar. Romantic, really.” He teases. Ray glares at him.

“Jealous much?”

Ryan blushes at that, and Ray freezes, milkshake souring on his tongue. Ryan didn’t rebut. Ryan didn’t laugh or play it off- and his only response is to hang his head slightly and rub at his upper arm in the way he always does when he’s nervous.

“Ryan? I was kidding.”

“I know- yeah, of course.” Ryan forces a laugh. “It was, uh… it was pretty funny.”

The inkling of a clouded memory tugs in the back of Ray’s mind. He’d convinced himself several hours ago that it was probably just a dream- and it hadn’t actually happened in real life but… he still doesn’t feel completely sure. And if Ryan _is_ getting so blush-y and jealous over Miles giving him a _Hickey,_ can it really be so out there?

“Hey, Ryan… if I ask you something, you promise to answer the truth?” he asks. Ryan looks up at him, toying with his lip between his pearly teeth. “Yeah, of course.” He says quietly, nodding. If he’s trying to hide his nerves, Ray’s pretty sure he isn’t winning an Oscar any time soon. Ray exhales a long breath, hoping Ryan can’t hear the way his heart was thudding violently against his chest.

“Um? Sorry… this is probably going to sound really weird.” He lets out a breathy laugh. “Just… I have to ask… um- did… did I kiss you last night? When you took me to bed?” Ryan’s eyes widen. “I mean… it was probably just part of my really weird- vivid dream where Gavin was eating steak and Jack’s eyes were orange… I just had to ask, ‘cause-.”

“You did.” Ryan suddenly blurts out, cutting him off. His eyes widen impossibly further and his mouth clamps shut like he regrets what he’s said instantly. Ray’s cheeks tinge pink.

“I did?” he asks. “And you… kissed me back?”

“I did.” Ryan nods. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine… it was- my fault, I guess.” Ray shakes his head. “I was pretty drunk.”

“Yeah I… shouldn’t have taken advantage of you.” Ryan nods in agreement. His eyes, however, don’t look so on board with what his mouth is saying.

“Cool.” Ray breathes, pushing the half empty plate away from him. “This is uh, kind of awkward but- that was my… first kiss. Ever.”

“Really?” Ryan asks. Ray nodded.

“Yeah.” He admits. “I’m sort of a loser. Sorry.” A nervous laugh escapes his lips, and his fists curl up beneath the sleeves of the hoodie that Ryan had tossed him when he entered the room. Ryan’s eyes haven’t moved from his face.

“It was pretty good for a first kiss.” He eventually says. The faint pink of Ray’s cheeks flare into a burning red, and he starts to wonder what the hell really did happen last night. Is he still drunk? Is this all an alcohol fuelled illusion? because it honestly feels a just little too good to be true, like sickly icing and fruit flavoured lollipops.

“Is… is that weird?” Ray asks, unable to think up any other sense-making combination of syllables.

“No… I-” Ryan pauses, as if he’s deeply thinking over whatever it is he’s planning on saying. “I’m glad.” He says. “Glad that I was… your first. Because…”

“Because?”

“Because I care about you. A lot.” Ryan walks over when he says this, and Ray stands away from the table. This isn’t a conversation he’s looking to have with Ryan’s six foot standing figure looming over him. There’s more than a considerable height difference between the two standing up even, because Ray hasn’t really hit his growth spurt yet, where it feels like Ryan’s been six foot his whole life and probably will be forever.

“What does that even mean?” he whispers, more into Ryan’s collarbones than his face. Ryan shakes his head.

“I’m not really sure.” He says, before leaning in and taking Ray’s lips between his.

Ray has to tiptoe to kiss Ryan, but the giddiness and confusion is enough adrenaline to keep his balance. Ryan’s hands are snug and supportive at his waist, holding the two close together for a while, before they slip lower, past his ass and under his thighs where he lifts Ray completely into his arms.

When did Ryan get so strong? He isn’t sure, but he’s more than on board when Ryan turns them and pushes Ray against the kitchen wall, the younger’s legs hooking around his waist and crossing at the ankles. Ryan leaves his mouth in favour his neck and sucks little marks all around Miles’ ugly purple one. Ray wonders if Ryan really is that jealous about the whole ordeal. He doesn’t have much time to ponder over this, because Ryan brushes the tip of his tongue against Ray’s earlobe and the feeling goes straight to his dick.

Ryan notices, how couldn’t he with Ray’s crotch pressed against his stomach. For a second, when Ryan pulls back and stares at him- Ray assumes this is the part where Ryan drops him in a disgusted realisation at what he’s done and Ray runs out with an awkward boner and they never speak again. Ryan’s hold on his thighs doesn’t loosen.

Ryan smirks at him- that asshole. He’s enjoying the way he can make Ray feel so sensitive and it’s borderline sadistic. Ray hates him.

Ray might love him.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Ryan whispers to him. Ray nods.

“Yeah- I… I mean obviously I’ve never done _this_ … whatever this is- with anyone before but… I trust you, Ryan.” He stutters and blushes and his dick is still rubbing against the crotch of the borrowed basketball shorts that are too big for his hips and completely too thin for activity like this of any kind. Ryan kisses him so gently and softly on the mouth that Ray feels his chest tighten.

“I promise; I’ll take care of you.” Ryan says. His eyes are blue- not like the ocean but not like the sky either. They’re a weird, ethereal middle ground that Ray’s never quite been able to put his finger on. Despite this, when they blow wide and Ryan’s pupils expands and he says- no he _promises_ to take care of Ray with more than just words as he carries him up the stairs back into his bedroom, he looks like the most honest-to-God _Angel_ Ray’s ever seen. “I promise.” Ryan repeats, over and over and over.

Stupidly, childishly, selfishly and foolishly- Ray believes him.

 

* * *

 

 

Ryan doesn’t speak to him the next day. Ryan doesn’t speak to him the day after, or the day after that. Ryan had barely spoken to him an hour after what Ray’s been referring to as _the incident_ occurred, Ray’s mom killing all thoughts of round-two with her promise to pick Ray up in fifteen minutes.

Ryan doesn’t text him. Not a call, not a word.

Ray feels like… he isn’t sure. It’s a sadness of sorts, but unlike any sadness he’s ever felt before. When girls in teen movies hook up with their love interests for the first time, they smile and swoon and say how it was the most magical experience of their life. Ray sits alone with his unused Xbox and an untouched bag of potato chips and wonders at what exact moment it stopped being magical and started being awkward.

He doesn’t speak to anyone (aside from stilted conversation with his mom who is convinced something must be wrong with him) because Ryan doesn’t speak to him. If he isn’t texting Ryan, what’s the point? Michael and Gavin (and Geoff and Jack) text and call and text and call but the beeping of his phone merely blends into the background of his life. He stares at the television all through the night, but he isn’t actually watching anything.

He feels empty- he decides on the third day. Empty.

Eventually and expectedly, Michael and Gavin (his real friends- why had he been so quick to dismiss them in favour of Ryan anyway?) show up at his door with marshmallows (from Gavin) and a copy of 3D Ultra Mini-golf (Michael). The marshmallows make him feel sick and the mini-golf makes him think of Ryan, because usually they play with him and Geoff. Gavin doesn’t _have_ a pre-made character and he doesn’t know the rules or the courses or how hard to hit the ball.

Michael notices he’s crying before he notices himself. The game abandoned, he shifts up the bed to let Ray lay against him. Michael’s arm is warm and steady and reliable around his shoulders and his fingers stroke Ray’s shoulder-blade so gently that he hates it. Because Michael’s been working out recently so he’s a little bigger and a little firmer and he just feels like _Ryan._

“What is it, Ray?” Gavin asks. “You won’t tell us what’s wrong, you shut down for days- we can’t help if we don’t know how.”

Ray sniffs, and pulls his glasses off frustrated. He leans away from Michael, the idea of Ryan holding him in any way making his stomach turn. Ray rubs at his teary eyes and sniffs.

“I’m fine.” He mumbles.

“No, you’re not fine!” Michael says. “Something happened when you stayed at Ryan’s, and now neither of you will come out your fucking houses or answer your phones. You’re sitting here _crying_ Ray. Something happened.”

Ray sighs. It doesn’t matter what he says, really- what he makes up to hide from the truth, because Michael will find out in the end. Like a dog with a bone, Gavin always said. Michael found the marrow in everything.

“He… _used me_.”

Recounting the story hurts considerably more than it should. Every time he brings up Ryan’s name, he hiccups. Michael and Gavin are good enough friends to pretend not to notice. Ray tells them everything, from him kissing Ryan to the bacon to the milkshakes to Ryan pushing him up against the wall to the way they’d fallen into bed together- so carefree and elegant and _perfect_.

 

* * *

 

_“You’re perfect,” Ryan said to him, stroking his fingers up and down Ray’s arm languidly. “Absolutely perfect.”_

_“Shut up.” Ray had replied. “Don’t say shit like that.”_

* * *

 

 

“Oh, Ray,” Gavin takes Michael’s spot beside his friend, cuddling them together. Gavin doesn’t feel like Ryan- Gavin feels like _Gavin_ , bony and lanky and soft. Michael isn’t even sat on the bed any more, he’s pacing the room angrily with his fists gripped at his sides. “We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

“I’m gonna _kill_ him.”

“It’s not his fault, Michael- it’s mine.” Ray sighs. “I never should’ve kissed him. I’ve fucked up our whole friendship, he probably hates me-”

“Ray that’s _not_ what’s happened!” Michael yells. Gavin shushes him, whispering that Ray’s mother is only downstairs. Michael takes a pained breath and lowers his voice. “He fucking _used_ you for sex. He’s an asshole.”

“It wasn’t _sex-_ ”

“It doesn’t matter the specifics Ray… you guys had _sex-_ you both did stuff that came to the same… result together. Your first time should’ve been special but _he_ took that away from you.”

Ray clamps his mouth shut. Maybe he’s been defining sex the wrong way his whole life or maybe Michael _is_ crazy. The way Gavin is staring at him makes him think it’s probably the former. So maybe it was ‘sex’ in some sort of way. Ray’s been thinking of it as a hook-up the whole time… but maybe it had been more than that. Maybe sex is more than _insert slot A into hole B_ and maybe it is more of an experience.

Maybe he’s given Ryan his virginity.

“I’m absolutely going to murder him.” Michael grumbles. Gavin sighs, making a _tsk_ sound at his fuming boyfriend. “I just don’t understand it,” he says. “Ryan would do that… it’s not like him at all.”

“Yeah, well he fucking has,” Michael snaps. “Maybe none of us knew him as well as we thought.”

“No… it doesn’t make any sense.” Gavin rubs at Ray’s arms one more time, before climbing off the bed. He straightens his t-shirt and picks up his jacket. Michael stares at him like he’s grown a third arm.

“What?”

“ _Wot?_ ” Michael mocks harshly. Gavin rolls his eyes- he’s used to Michael deflecting his anger into insults and sometimes wishes he’d get a little more creative. “Where are you going?”

“To get to the bottom of this.” Gavin says. “I’m ringing Geoff and we’re talking to Ryan.” He makes his way over to the door, Michael chasing after him.

“Well… well I’m going with you!” Michael folds his arms. Gavin gives him such a steely glare, Michael actually take a step backwards.

“What, to do something stupid like start a fight? No, you stay here with Ray. None of this makes any sense, and I’m going to find out why.” He commands, one last look to Ray before leaving the room. Michael is left standing by the closed door once Gavin exits. Ray snorts, catching his attention.

“What?”

“Just… I always thought Gavin was the submissive type. Guess I was wrong.” He smirks. Michael’s cheeks heat up red.

“…Whatever,” he huffs sitting at the edge of Ray’s bed. “Let’s just… play some video games or something, yeah? Fucking… not talk about this whole thing for a while?”

Ray nods, crawling up the bed to hug his best friend from behind. Michael sighs at the feeling of Ray’s wet cheeks pressed by his neck. “Thanks Michael,” he mumbles. “You’re the best… you and Gavin.”

“It’s fine buddy,” Michael pats Ray’s arm fondly. “We love you.”

* * *

 

“Gavvers! What can I do you for?!”

Gavin’s voice is not nearly as playful over the phone. “Geoff, this is serious. You need to get over to Ryan’s and talk to him ASAP, can you meet me there?”

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Geoff asks. Gavin can hear rustling and mumbling over the phone, along with the sound of keys dangling. He sighs, running his fingers through his hair nervously as he briskly walks down the length of Ray’s street.

“Me and Michael went over to find out what’s got Ray all silent and reclusive and he started breaking down, crying and that. Says that he and Ryan hooked up and then Ryan dropped him straight afterwards and now he doesn’t know what to do.”

“Fucking? How?! Why would Ryan do that-”

“Makes no sense, right? I figure we need to talk to Ryan and figure out what the hell went on.” Gavin huffs. “I’m at the corner of Ray’s street now, so I’m not too far. How soon can you get there?”

“Jack and I’ll be there in five. We’ll bust over to Ryan’s place whether he likes it or not and find out what exactly is fucking going on.” Geoff bristles over the phone, as his truck splutters to life. “I can’t _believe_ he’d fucking do that to Ray.”

“Me either.” Gavin bites his lip nervously. “It doesn’t make any sense. I thought Ryan liked Ray…”

“So did we.” Geoff replies. “We were pretty fucking sure of it. That’s what twists this whole story and makes it sound… wrong?”

“You don’t think Ray would lie, would you Geoff?” Gavin asks. There is a pause.

“I… I don’t know, kid- you know him better than I do. I don’t think he would.”

“Neither do I.” Gavin sighs. “I… Ray’s like my best mate, other than Michael. He was pretty upset. I don’t think he’d lie over something like this.”

“Well, we’re just coming round the corner now buddy. We’ll head over to Ryan’s place and figure this whole God-damn mess out.”

 

* * *

 

Geoff and Jack arrive at Ryan’s mini-mansion before Gavin gets too close. Jack is glad at this, because Gavin sounded spectacularly angry over the phone, and he’d rather try and coax the truth out of Ryan with a lot less shouting.

However, if they did find the truth as awful as it was starting to look, he’ be more than happy to let both Gavin and Michael tear a few chunks out of his best friend.

He reaches to knock at the door, but Geoff stops him. Rooting around in a hanging plant, he pulls out Ryan’s spare house key and they let themselves in, toeing off their shoes in the porch.

“Geoff,” Jack hisses. “Shouldn’t we let Ryan know we’re here?”

“No.” Geoff snaps quietly as he begins to climb the stairs. “The dudes a possible asshole. He deserves a bit of a scare at the very least.”

Jack rolls his eyes. “Fine. Are we seriously leaving the door open though?” he gestures to the swinging front entrance. Geoff shrugs. “Nobody’s gonna rob him, and the gates were wide fucking open anyway. It’ll make it easier for Gavin to get in.”

Ryan’s room is at the top of the house, far far away from his parent’s domain. Not that that matters now, as Geoff and Jack sort-of-technically-break-in, because they’re not even there. They’re still in fucking Tahiti, and Ryan’s moping alone in his bedroom.

When they approach the door, Geoff silently counts down from five. Jack just hopes Ryan isn’t jerking off or something worse.

They bust into the room, and Ryan jumps so startled that he falls completely off his bed. The room is then silent, other than the sound of the TV playing the _Friends_ theme tune as Ryan emerges over the side of his mattress, sleepy frown etched on his face.

“What the fuck?!”

Jennifer Aniston bounces across the screen. Geoff smirks. “Dude, were you were jerking off to _Friends?_ ”

Ryan blushes. “I was _watching_ Friends!”

“Sure buddy.” Geoff laughs, sitting on Ryan’s bed. Ryan climbs up beside him, dishevelled appearance surpassingly unnerving. Out of the three of them Ryan is the least likely to resort to _this_ mode. But it’s there- the stained white t-shirt, loose basketball shorts, messy hair, greasy face. This is Geoff once a fortnight. This is Jack once a month. This is Ryan… for quite possibly the first time.

“What do you guys want, anyway?” Ryan sits up against his headboard with his legs tucked up to his chest. Jack momentarily forgets they’re there to be angry, not to brush Ryan’s unruly hair and get him in the shower and take care of him because _boy_ does he look like he needs it.

“We need to know what the fuck you did to Ray.” Geoff states bluntly. Subtle, by Geoff’s standards. Subtle as a fucking brick- by Jack’s.

Ryan’s immediate reaction of looking away towards the television isn’t particularly promising. “Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.” He mumbles.

“Don’t want to fucking talk about it?” Geoff asks incredulously, reaching over for the control and turning the volume down low. “Dude. We were all pretty sold on the idea of you and Ray eventually hooking up- obviously you had a thing for him… but now he’s crying because you won’t call him? What the fucks up with that?”

“It’s not his fault.” Ryan mumbles into his hands. “It’s mine. I just want it all forgotten.”

“I don’t believe that.” Jack says. “We know you like him, Ryan. So… why are you ignoring him? He’s super cut up about it and clearly so are you. So what happened?”

Ryan sighs. “At my party… when I took him upstairs and put him to bed he… kissed me. I thought… I don’t know, I thought maybe that I could just forget all about it because he was drunk or whatever but… I couldn’t. And the next day I… hooked up with him- for lack of a better term.”

“You had sex with him, you’re saying?” Geoff asks. Ryan’s cheeks flare up to a bright red that could rival Jack’s own pale face once the cold stung it.

“No- I… sort of? I guess, it didn’t… it wasn’t… whatever. It was… special- because he’d never… with anyone before. But after I just… I felt so fucking awful, you know?... that _I_ took that experience from him because what… he kissed me? He kissed me and I was his first kiss so I assumed that I was entitled to be his first… whatever. I wish I hadn’t done it, alright? I’m sorry- and you probably hate me for fucking up the group, or whatever-”

“-Dude… that’s not right at all.” Geoff sighs. “Ray isn’t… mad because you hooked up with him. He actually likes you, dumbass.”

“I don’t think he does.” Ryan shakes his head. “He’s just… Ray, isn’t he? He’s like that with everyone… he’s easy to get close too. I’m the one that took my stupid crush too far.”

“You’re deluded.” Jack laughs aloud, and Ryan’s neck snaps upwards to stare at him. “Ray really _really_ likes you. He told us.”

Ryan scoffs. “I don’t believe you.”

“Seriously, he said-”

“Oi!” they are cut off by Gavin, storming into the room with a tremendously annoyed expression on his face, skinny fists like balls at his hips. “You.” He points at Ryan, who looks like a startled deer in the headlights of a car. “I’ve got mind to really let Michael come over here and rip you a new one!”

“Alright, I only understood half of those words.” Jack mumbles. Geoff leans across and whispers to him, “Michael wants to fuck Ryan up.”

“Oh,” he nods. “I see.”

“Ray’s bloody back home sobbing his eyes out whilst you just what… sit here and watch TV?” he gestures to the screen, before becoming distracted by the show. “Wait, is this series six? Oh- this is episode five, when Joey-”

“Gav!” Geoff clicks his fingers, catching Gavin’s attention back. “Forget Friends. Ray?”

“Oh. Right- listen, Ryan- I’ve been listening to your drivel about Ray not liking you and that, and it’s total crap! He flippin’ has the biggest crush on you ever, and now he’s back home devastated because he thinks you used him!”

Ryan frowns. “Used him?”

Gavin sighs, rubbing at his forehead frustrated. “He thinks you used him for sex, and then dumped him.” He explains quietly.

“I-I wouldn’t… I’d never- not to Ray!” he stutters. His heart breaks at the thought of Ray, at home all on his own, or crying to his friends because he _thought_ … Ryan doesn’t want to even think what Ray thought. Not again- after Gavin had made it so explicitly clear.

“You’ve got to fix things, Ryan.” Gavin folds his arms across his chest. “Seriously. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

* * *

 

Ray won’t answer his calls, at first. Geoff, Jack and Gavin leave together with a heavy warning sitting on their faces. _Fix things_ , they say silently. _Fix the mess you created._

It’s hard to fix a mess when the other person won’t answer their God-damn phone.

He doesn’t bother leaving voicemails- _what is this, 1993?_ Ray never checks his voicemails, they’re more of an annoyance than an alert when the red circle pops up above the call icon. Ryan’s listened to Ray complain about voicemails enough times to know not to dare leave one.

A text will have to do. He’s given it a few hours, Ray hasn’t called back. A text is probably the easiest way to ensure Ray will have to hear (see) what he says to say (type).

 

 

_To: Ray_

_Before I start, I want you to know that I am very aware that I am a complete asshole. Irrefutably, undeniably a giant fucking asshole. Geoff, Jack and Gavin came over and explained some things to me and now I feel like the most awful person alive. I honestly never tried to use you, Ray- I didn’t. It wasn’t my intention for you to feel that way and the idea that you were so upset for so long makes my heart break. The reason I didn’t speak to you after we… whatever was that I was annoyed at myself. I thought that I had somehow taken advantage of you, because I was your first kiss and you’d just recovered from a night of drinking and other stupid reasons that I invented to stress myself out. I felt fucking awful, because I do genuinely really like you. A lot. More than a friend like you. I was going to tell you that night I came back from Tahiti but I didn’t because I’m a pussy I suppose. I can only hope you have similar feelings after the past few day’s events._

_I’m really really really fucking sorry Ray. Please call me as soon as you read this._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Chapter 5: Next Tuesday


	5. Video Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has news for Gavin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A really short filler chap before the drama :) pls comment!

** Chapter Five: Video Games **

 

 

 

Their first date, Ray’s choosing, is in the run down arcade twenty minutes’ drive from their school that only manages to scrape by through their casual out-of-home gaming habits and the few sad adults with nostalgia for original _Pac-Man_. The place is run down, messy, and long past reparable. The one serving clerk can’t be older than thirty-five yet has a bald spot the size of a satellite dish and only one good eye behind his thick rimmed glasses. Ryan feels sorry for him but Ray barely seems to notice, tugging Ryan by the hand over to _Time Crisis 2._

Ray completely creams him at almost every game except for the _really_ old ones that he used to sit at for hours when he was just a kid and his parents were looking for an excuse to dump him out the house. By the end of the day it’s a gentleman’s agreement to use their tickets to buy each other happy-first-date presents. Ray knows _he_ isn’t a gentleman, but so far Ryan’s given him quarters and opened the door for him- so it only seems fair.

Ryan just about scrounges enough tickets (he finds a couple extra on the floor by the _Pac-Man_ machine) to get Ray a plastic flashing ring. Ray unabashedly hands him the giant stuffed cow that’s almost four feet tall and over a foot wide.

Ryan has to balance precariously to carry it under one arm, but he doesn’t mind doing so when the other arm pretty busy. Ray’s hand is warm as it sits in his, flashing ring sticking out between their intertwined knuckles uncomfortably enough to be funny, red and blue lighting up the top of Ray’s thigh.

“What are you gonna name him?” Ray asks around the sour blue lollipop he’d been able to afford for himself on the side in the dingy ticket booth. Ryan looks at the cow and grins.

“I’ll name him Edgar five!”

“Of course you fucking will.”

Ray laughs as they approach the car, Ryan fighting to stuff the giant stuffed animal in the backseat. He pulls his phone from his back pocket and fires a text off to Gavin, who was most likely sitting at home with Michael dithering and wondering if everything had gone smoothly.

* * *

 

 

 

_To: Gav_

_Date was fucking awesome. Everything is cool now. I’ll call you later_

 

 

* * *

 

Gavin doesn’t bother waiting once his text comes through from Ray, and with a grin calls Michael up to share the good news. With the shitty way things almost went, Ray deserves a little happiness. He denied and denied his feelings for Ryan, but they all knew it would’ve ended up well in the end. Sure, it was a little more dramatic than he had originally hoped- and he had threatened to bring Michael over to maul poor Ryan to death (He deserved it at the time) but it had all been good-naturedly forgotten about and blown over as the summer stretches out towards its end.

He sits back on the beanbag cushion and waits for Michael to pick up the phone, foot tapping along to the beat of the shitty song he’s had stuck in his head all morning. He hadn’t even spoken to Michael the night before, after his invitation over had been hastily rejected. Michael has been planning something, that was clear. What it is exactly- Gavin still hasn’t figured out.

A whisper answers the phone. “Gavin?”

Gavin sits up. “Michael? Are you alright?” He can tell something is wrong because for a few seconds- a brief sniffle and a sigh is heard across the speaker. Michael doesn’t cry- Michael _never_ cries. Michael gets angry and throws things and shouts and puts everything back together again afterwards.

Michael Jones does not _ever_ cry.

 

“Michael?”

 

“It’s nothing- what’s up?”

 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Gavin insists. “Seriously Michael, you’re freaking me out. What is it?”

 

Gavin tries desperately to ignore the next few sniffles, but his fists grip the beanbag beneath him so tightly that the fabric stretches.

 

“Gav…” Michael eventually sighs. “I… I told them.”

 

“Told them?” Gavin’s heart beats out of his chest. “Told who-”

 

“My fucking parents, alright?” Michael hisses. “I told them… about us.”

 

“Michael… fucking hell- alright.” Gavin stands up, running across his room to grab his hoodie and his shoes. “I-what happened? I’m coming over to get you right now and-”

 

“-No!” Michael exclaims. “Gav- fucking do _not_ come here.”

 

“What’s happening!” Gavin demands with a whine. He can feel himself slowly beginning to get worked up too- Michael’s upset whisper sparking panic in his chest as a thousand scenarios race through his brain. “Michael- seriously, if they hurt you-”

 

“Nothing has happened!” Michael sounds like he really _wants_ to shout, but his voice remains a whisper. “They’re not angry. They’re just… quiet, Gav. I don’t really know what that means.”

 

“I’m coming over.”

 

“No you’re fucking not!”

 

Gavin bites the skin of his thumb worriedly. Every instinct he has is screaming at him to lace up his converse and sprint round to Michael’s place. However, a tiny part of his brain tells him different. Michael wants him to stay put- and he loves to do what Michael says.

 

Gavin sits back down in the beanbag. “Alright- fine. I’ll stay put.” He mutters. “But please- keep me updated with what’s going on- I don’t want to leave you if you’re in danger.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Michael whispers. Gavin bites his thumb hard enough to draw blood.

 

 “I love you Michael.” He says, watching the drops of red drip onto the blue of the beanbag, dying the material a deep purple.

 

“I know, Gav-” Michael replies. “I'll… I'll maybe call you tomorrow, yeah? I need to let things settle here and then we can… sort it all out.”

 

"Alright Michael-" The dial tone greets him before Michael's voice has the chance to soothe him. The silence is overwhelming, and Gavin finds himself flopping backwards over his beanbag. His front teeth jut out over his bottom lip and chew nervously until blood floods the inside of his mouth and he finds himself gagging, hunched over the metal trashcan in the corner of his room.

"Fuck." he hisses. "Michael..."


	6. M.I.A/Geoff's Big News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the story (sort of. There's an epilogue obviously. Did you really think I'd leave it there?)
> 
> Leave a comment to let me know what you thought :)

** Chapter Six: M.I.A **

 

 

 

Michael doesn’t call him the next day. Michael doesn’t text him the day after that. Michael isn’t signed into Xbox live, isn’t on IM, isn’t on Facebook or Twitter. Michael doesn’t call him back or respond to his countless voicemails. Michael doesn’t answer his texts.

For four days, Gavin wait for Michael in complete radio silence until he caves and calls up the only person reckless enough to help him go through with his idiotic plan.

Nobody is better to ambush your boyfriends house with than Geoff Ramsey.

They pull up outside the Jones’ household and Gavin’s stomach promptly sinks straight down and into into his gut. For a few seconds he has to sit completely still and take in a few deep breaths as a wave of sudden, panicked nausea washes over him- Geoff’s worried eyes watching him from the driver’s seat behind the curling smoke of a lit cigarette.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Geoff asks after a beat. Gavin swallows his saliva and nods wordlessly. Geoff’s sigh shows clearly enough that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but he unlocks the door of his death-trap and flicks his cigarette across the street. “Want one? To settle your nerves?” Geoff offers him the packet. Gavin closes his eyes.

“Nah.” He shakes his head. “I’m thinking of giving up.”

Geoff stays a few steps behind, parents not ever being his strong suit as Gavin’s knuckles anxiously hover over the door. He steps back after a second, and takes a final breath before reaching forwards and rapping on the door loudly.

At the sound of footsteps, his chest tightens.

The door creaks open barely a foot, and Michael’s mother stands on the other side. Met with the sight of Gavin standing on the doorstep looking more than a little paler than usual, her front teeth jut out over her bottom lip and she bites down worriedly.

“Uh,” Gavin clears his throat. “Can I… can I come in, Mrs Jones?”

She watches him like a deer caught in headlights, grip tight on the door handle. “Maybe you shouldn’t.” She looks down at her shoes. Geoff groans, stepping forward when he knows that he has to.

“Look lady-”

“-No, I really think you should leave.” She looks back up with Gavin, and then, almost with _more_ discontent- to Geoff. “Both of you.”

She attempts to close the door swiftly in their faces, but Gavin steps forwards and blocks it with his foot, fighting his way back to her. “Look-” he says angrily. “I’m sorry if you’re not happy with the way things have turned out… but Michael is who he is and I love him to the bloody moon and back, alright?”

“-Gavin, please.” She attempts to close the door again, but Gavin pushes his way through and steps past her, into the house. She jumps backwards as Geoff slips in behind Gavin, closing the door quietly behind them both.

“And so should you!” Gavin continues, hands balling into fists. “He’s your son and he’s… he’s so lovely- he had the courage to tell you how he really feels and you’ve just… thrown all that trust back in his face! I _love_ Michael,” he whimpers slightly, Geoff’s hand comfortingly landing on his shoulder. Gavin draws his gaze up from the floor and straight into Michael’s father’s eyes. He’d been standing there the whole time, at the end of the hall in front of the kitchen with his arms folded across his chest and an unreadable expression across his face. Gavin holds his gaze steadily. “And… I really think he loves me too- you know?”

After a long dragging awkward silence, Michael’s father let’s out a small sigh.

“Michael!” he calls loudly, voice echoing up the steps and into the upper floors of the house. Within seconds, footsteps are heard rushing down the stairs and Gavin can’t help but suspect by the sheer reaction time that Michael had been perched up on the landing the entire time, silently listening to the spectacle downstairs. For a second, Gavin wonders if Michael will be angry.

Michael has always said that he meddles too much in other people’s problems.

“Is he telling the truth, Michael?” Mr Jones asks, breaking Gavin’s train of thought. He takes in a long, unsteady breath. “Do you really… love Gavin?”

For the first time, Gavin allows himself to look across at Michael who is stood at the bottom of the stairs with his arms folded protectively across his chest and dark wet eyes glancing frantically between his parents, Gavin, and Geoff.

“I do.” His voice is quiet, and he turns to face Gavin again. This time, he doesn’t look away. “With everything I have.”

Michael’s father nods somewhat approvingly, and hope spikes in Gavin’s belly. He watches Michael’s father’s eyes travel across the room, settling on his mother in a silent question. She replies equally as heartfelt, her own eyes welling up and mimicking Michael’s.

“And… he makes you happy?” she asks after the pause of silent conversation. Her eyes lock with her son’s. “You’re happy with Gavin?”

“I really am.” Michael nods, looking between his mother and his father again. “He makes me so God-Damn happy, mom.”

Gavin watches as Michael’s father looks to Michael’s mother, who nods and takes a step backwards against the wall of the hallway. Michael’s father scratches his lip nervously.

“Then… I suppose we approve.”

Not much is said after that, but Michael’s facial expression is more than enough as he bolts up the stairs, changes his clothes and rushes out the door with nothing more than a frantic goodbye and a tight hug, running off into Geoff’s shit-wagon with Gavin’s hand tightly in his, lips curled around a cigarette that Geoff already had held out for him the minute the front door was closed.

“I fucking love you.” Michael exclaims giddily, pulling the cigarette from his lips to kiss Gavin firmly and briefly on the mouth. “I fucking love you- Gavin.”

Michael tastes like salty tears and cigarette smoke. Gavin grins.

“I love you too Michael. You’re my boi.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

How the ‘Michael’s-Coming-Out-Extravaganza’ ends up being hosted at Geoff’s, Gavin fails to understand.

If anyone, _he_ really should be hosting Michael’s party- his parents have been bugging him about having Michael over for dinner that wasn’t just takeout pizza up in his bedroom since the moment he told them they’d been secretly dating for months.

(Apparently, his mum and dad had a fifty-quid bet going with each other on whether they’d own up to it within the year or not. His dad won.)

For some reason, despite his reputation- Geoff’s parents have agreed to go away for the night _and_ let Geoff throw a party. The details of why are sketchy- Geoff hasn’t exactly offered up much information to his parents change of heart towards his excessive drinking and rebellion. There’s clearly more going on than meets the eye, but Gavin doesn’t push as he knows Geoff wouldn’t push him.

It’s funny, how you can know somebody for seemingly so little time and know them so well, inside and out. Geoff knows him better than Michael and Ray do, sometimes.

The party is Geoff level ridiculous- Geoff’s house packed out with the Hillsbury boys, the St Margaret’s Girls, the RT High kids and everyone else who’s showed up as a tag-along or plus one. Geoff’s only entry requirement is alcohol, and that is something never in short supply to high school kids with fake ID’s and older siblings.

Geoff’s insane to even leave his sort-of-friends completely alone and unsupervised in the house, but he insists on dragging the six of them back up to the very same stupid stretch of grass where they’d ended up after Jack’s graduation party, sprawled out drunkenly on the ground together. Geoff is in the middle, Gavin on one side and Jack on the other. Michael is well past the point of tipsy and lays practically on top of Gavin unsteadily, making the brit laugh and run his hand fondly through Michael’s curls.

Ray and Ryan are on the other side of Jack, Ray snuggled underneath Ryan’s comforting arm. He knows he’s completely sober ( _not_ wanting a repeat of the last party they threw) but he always feels drunk when Ryan’s next to him.

“Why are we even up here?” Jack laughs, body shivering slightly. “It’s freezing- summer’s nearly over and its freakin’ _midnight_.”

“It’s important.” Geoff says quietly. Gavin tears his attention from Michael’s clumsy fingers dancing on his chest to look up at his friend. Geoff looks back at him with the most serious expression Gavin’s ever seen him pull.

“I’m really gonna miss you guys.” He mumbles. Ryan frowns.

“Miss us? We’re not going anywhere.”

“Yeah.” Ray adds. “Ryan and Jack are only going to UoT, Michael, Gav and I are still gonna be at Hillsbury. Where would we even go?” he laughs, shifting forwards to rest his chin and arms on Ryan’s chest and watch Geoff with wide brown eyes. Geoff is quiet for long, charged moment.

“It’s not you guys who are leaving. It’s… it’s me.”

“What?” Jack is the first to sit up, followed by Gavin and Ray and Ryan, and a beat afterwards- Michael, who sways a little with a confused expression on his face.

“Where y’going Geoff?” He slurs.

Geoff doesn’t sit up. He lays back in the grass and rests an arm over his chest.

“I didn’t tell any of you this, but… uh-” the smallest and saddest of smiles tugs at his lips, and Gavin’s heart begins to beat quickly and nervously. “I uh- I got a call a couple weeks ago.”

“Yeah?” Gavin prompts. Geoff locks eyes with him.

“From the army, Gav.” He sits up, and looks from Gavin to Jack and Ryan. “The fucking US Army- they got my application and… they want me to join. They want me to be a fucking photographer- just like I always wanted to be.”

“Geoff!” Ryan’s eyes go wide. “That’s… that’s huge!”

“I know.” Geoff laughs. “Here’s, uh… here’s the kicker though. That’s why I brought you guys up here-”

“-You’re leaving.” Gavin interrupts, before Geoff even has a chance to continue. He doesn’t need to wait for Geoff to speak- he _knows_ Geoff, now. “You’re leaving straight away.”

There is a long, tense beat of silence between the six of them before slowly, Geoff nods. Gavin can’t help himself from falling forwards, face resting uncomfortably on Geoff’s sharp shoulder as he tries his best to will himself not to tear up. Geoff’s arm comes protectively around him, and Michael silently squeezes their fingers together.

“Geoff…” Jack mumbles. Geoff says nothing, but reaches forwards to hug Jack tightly- before deciding that that isn’t enough, stretching his arm to tug Ryan and Ray along with him until it’s the six of them, huddled together awkwardly in the middle of a cold park on a late summer’s night, seventeen minutes past midnight.

“When are you going?” Michael asks sleepily as they all pull away.

Geoff stares at the ground. “Tomorrow.”

“What!” Ray exclaims. “But- you should’ve said! I…” he trails off, before quickly relenting and resting his face against Ryan’s arm. “I’m going to miss you.” He finishes. “We all are.”

“You keep the group together.” Jack adds, quietly. “What are we supposed to do without you?”

“No team Gents.” Michael pitches in. “Now we’re just gonna be… team lads and team… whatever the fuck Ryan and Jack are.”

“Team Same Voice.” Jack and Ryan both respond in sync. A laugh tugs from Geoff’s throat, and he slowly wipes his hands down his pale face.

“I’m really gonna miss you fuckers.” He laughs, and Gavin can see the tears welling in his eyes. He leans forwards again, and hugs Geoff tightly. “Even you Gav.” He sniffs, voice catching only slightly. “Annoying little prick.”

“I can’t believe it.” Gavin pulls away. “I just… you’ll write- or something, won’t you? You won’t just disappear for a bunch of years and then we’ll have to hear on the news that you’ve…” he trails off, unwilling to finish the sentence. Geoff shakes his head.

“Of course I’ll fucking write, idiot! You’ll get so many fucking letters and postcards from me you’ll be sick of it. I’ll never disappear- don’t say shit like that.”

“Sorry.” Gavin snorts, wiping the few stray tears from his own eyes. “I just… I’m going to miss you so much Geoff.”

“I’ll miss you too Gav. All of you.” Geoff looks around at his friends. “You all fucking… bring something to my stupid fucking life that I’m grateful for and I’ll never forget about any of you. Not even you Ray,” he laughs. “quiet fucker.”

“Team Go Fuck Yourself will never die.” Ray deadpans. Geoff snorts.

“See. Salt of the earth, all of you.” Abruptly, he stands, dusting the dirt off his shorts. “Now come on,” he nods at the rest of them, who scramble to their feet. “enough of this sad shit.” He wipes his eyes again, and reaches out to a particularly crumpled looking Ryan, patting him on the shoulder and making him smile. “Back to drinking and fucking partying. It’s my last fucking night- y’all better make it a half decent one.”

“We’ll do better than that.” Michael smiles. “Trust me. It’s my fucking coming-out party. It can’t get fucking much cooler than that.”


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff writes postcards, and the guys write back. Except for when they don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> many o' time skips (all dated). Warnings for mentions of depression/suicidal thoughts.

** Epilogue **

 

 

_ April 16th _

_ Dear Jack, _

_ I found this fucking sick postcard with this fat dude on it eating ribs in Prague. Thought it was right up your alley. Get it, cause you’re ~~chubby~~ whatever. The joke made more sense in my head and probably would’ve been funnier if I said it out loud. On paper it just sounds mean. But, you know what I mean. I thought I was getting better at this postcard writing shit, but there’s only like six lines to I have to keep it short. So, here goes: You suck. _

__

_ Love, Geoff xxxxxxxxx _

 

* * *

_ June 21st _

_01:23_

_To: Gav_

_Say I bought Ray a ring for our one-year-anniversary that’s still two months away. creepy or cute?_

_-_

_01:25_

_From: Gav_

_Worrying that you still have to ask that question. Certainly cute. Put in a similar word for Michael- because I think I would literally keel over and die if I got the same for our next anniversary._

_-_

_01:28_

_To: Gav_

_Don’t worry. Knowing Michael, he’s probably already got something pretty special planned._

* * *

 

 

_ July 13t _

_12:43_

_From: Ray_

_Jaaaaaack…_

_Geoff sent me a postcard with literally just a giant weed leaf on it and the words 4/20 blaze. My mom is giving me some serious fucking weird looks right now. We need to give him a postcard intervention._

 

_12:47_

_To: Ray_

_Don’t worry. I got one last month of a fat dude eating ribs. So ‘Geoff’ it hurts._

* * *

 

_ July 24th _

_20:25_

_To: Micool x x x_

_Hey. It’s 8:25 pm and I wanted you to know that I love you._

_-_

_20:26_

_From: Micool x x x_

_Gay_

_-_

_20:26_

_From: Micool x x x_

_Sorry. Ray got my phone. I love you too boi. & Don’t worry. Ray’s super dead._

* * *

 

_ July 24th _

_20:29_

_To: Rye-bread_

_Hey. Gavin just texted Michale ‘it’s 8:25 and I love you.’ What fucking dweebs._

_-_

_20:29_

_From: Rye-bread_

_Total dweebs._

_-_

_20:31_

_To: Rye-bread._

_Hey… So, it’s 8:31 and Michael and Gavin are still dweebs but… I guess I also love you. So there._

_-_

_20:32_

_From: Rye-bread._

_Is this going to become a whole thing now?_

_-_

_20:33_

_To: Rye-bread._

_You fucking bet it is._

_-_

_20:33_

_From: Rye-bread._

_Good. Because I fucking love you too. Dweeb._

* * *

 

_ August 2nd _

_ To: Ryan Haywood _

_ So, totally forgot- it’s you and lil Ray’s one-year anniversary soon. Or at least I think it is. Hope y’all are doing good. I found this postcard in some street-market in Turkey- it’s got what I think is a heart on it to fit with the romantic theme. Hope you’re doing good and you’ve stopped jerking it to Friends in favour of jerking it to Ray. Love ya bud. _

_ From: Geoff x  _

* * *

 

_ October 12th _

_00:12_

_To: Gavvers x_

_Do you think we’ll be together forever?_

_-_

_00:14_

_From: Gavvers x_

_This is a bit out of the blue. You alright? xx_

_-_

_00:18_

_To: Gavvers x_

_Yeah. I was just thinking I guess. Do you?_

_-_

_00:19_

_From: Gavvers x_

_Realistically, probably not- I’ll go college somewhere and you might go somewhere else and we’ll meet other people. I think we’ll always be friends though._

_I love you now. Is that not enough for you micool? haha xxx_

_-_

_00:22_

_From: Gavvers x_

_You there?_

_-_

_00:27_

_From: Gavvers x_

_Michael?_

* * *

 

_ December 1st _

_ To: Gavin Free _

_ Hey bud. Haven’t heard back from you or that little prick Michael in a while. Hope all is going well for you two. I found this postcard in Iran and I thought you’d like it cause it’s almost similar to the creeper design. _

_ This is the third postcard I’ve sent you with no reply. I’m getting better at this short shit. So write me soon? _

_ From: Geoff xxx _

* * *

 

_ December 19th _

_ 13:23 _

_From: Ray_

_Geoff’s even writing me asking about them now. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to say Jack????????? Help._

_-_

_13:27_

_To: Ray_

_I think that it’s something Michael or Gavin have to tell Geoff themselves. I don’t know when they’ll be ready for that._

* * *

_ December 31st _

_21:52_

_From: Ryannnn_

_Just checking up Gav. At Jack’s fireworks tonight, but nobody’s really feeling the party. We all miss you and Michael too much. Don’t worry about him, Ray and I have been visiting him and we think he’ll come around soon._

_Happy New Year x_

* * *

 

_14:58_

_From: Jack_

_You need to write back to Geoff. He’s worried about you and Michael._

_-_

_15:05_

_From: Jack_

_He loves you. We all do._

* * *

 

 

_ January 1st _

_To: Geoff Ramsey_

_Hey Geoffrey. It’s been a while since you’ve wrote me and I’ve wrote you, and I know, I’m an asshole for not replying for so long. Something happened that I guess I should probably have told you about a long time ago._

_It’s also why I’m writing you this letter instead of a postcard. I don’t think I could fit it all on a tiny postcard, but I did attach a blank one of a giant moustache I saw in a shop that reminded me of you ever since you sent that ridiculous photo of your giant new curly moustache._

_But back to the point. Michael and I are… not really speaking at the moment. And we haven’t in a long time and honestly… I don’t really know if we ever will again. And it kills me to say it, but maybe it’s sort of for the best._

_You’re probably wondering why and don’t worry, I’ll get to that bit._

_Turns out… since you left Michael has been pretty upset. Not just because of you- other things to. His brothers pick on him ~~a bit~~ and his grades have been slipping and someone pretty close to him in his family ~~died~~ passed away. And he was really ~~depressed~~ upset for a long time and I didn’t even realise. I didn’t even ask until it was too late._

_Michael tried to kill himself ~~and I wasn’t there for him~~ and now I don’t think he’ll ever speak to me again. But we all thought you should know as we kept you in the dark for so long and didn’t say anything. It happened October 26 th and nobody’s really known what to do since._

_I don’t know if me and Michael will ever get back together. But I know that I really really ~~love~~ care about him. I do Geoff- even after all this and even after I ran to the fucking hospital and he yelled in my face that he hated me and never wanted to see me ever again._

_Don’t think it’s your fault because it isn’t. I think it’s mine. I stopped believing that Michael properly loved me and I think he stopped believing it too. You told me not to ever do that but I did because I’m an idiot._

_I don’t really know what else to say. Write back soon? Sounds a bit naff, dunnit?_

_Gav xxx_

* * *

March 19th

11:09

_To: Michael_

_Talk to him, bro. He won’t listen to me and apart from that, the only other person he’s closest to apart from Geoff is you. Even now- if you can’t help him, I don’t think anybody can._

_\- Ray (Your dad says you smashed your phone up and had to get a new one. Again.)_

 

* * *

_ March 31st _

_02:24_

_To: Michael._

_Heyit’ss 2;:24 am and I loooooooooooove you micheal joness. I lve you x xx x xZXxzxX_

_-_

_02:26_

_From: Michael_

_Go to sleep Gav._

 

* * *

_ April 2nd _

_11:32_

_To: Michael_

_Sorry about the other night. I shouldn’t’ve texted you that and I’m a terrible person._

_-_

_11:34_

_From: Michael_

_You’re not a terrible person, Gavin. You just need to quit drinking so much so often. Clearly you have a problem._

_-_

_11:36_

_To: Michael_

_The drink isn’t the problem. It’s the reason I fucking drink that’s probably the problem._

_-_

_11:38_

_From: Michael._

_And what’s that? Me? Because don’t think for one second that that’s fucking fair Gavin. Because it’s not, not when you’re the reason I have to see a therapist twice a week._

_-_

_11:40_

_To: Michael_

_I didn’t make you do anything to hurt yourself Michael. You were the one who stopped talking to me- so cut the bullshit and stop pretending to care._

_-_

_11:42_

_From: Michael_

_Who says I’m pretending?_

_-_

_11:44_

_To: Michael_

_Don’t act like you still give a shit about me when clearly you don’t. I care about you a hell of a lot more than you care about me, and that’s the way things have always worked._

_-_

_11:46_

_From: Michael_

_Says who? Say’s you? Don’t act like I didn’t fucking love you with everything I had Gavin. Absolutely fucking everything. And it almost fucking killed me._

_-_

_11:47_

_To: Michael_

_No. You almost fucking killed you. Maybe you loved me once but I still love you now. That’s why I fucking drink so much Michael- I drink because I still love you and maybe it’ll fucking kill me like it almost killed you._

_-_

_11:49_

_From: Michael_

_We make such a great fucking pair, don’t we?_

_-_

_11:51_

_To: Michael_

_Yeah. I guess we do._

* * *

 

_ April 28th _

_13:45_

_To: Rye-bread_

_They’re talking again, so there’s that. Not sure if it’s good or bad._

_-_

_13:48_

_From: Rye-bread._

_I think it’s a good thing. Neither of them have been quite so stable in a long time and it’s nice not having to worry about both of them every waking moment. Refreshing._

_-_

_13:54_

_To: Rye-bread._

_You’re right. I wonder when the wedding is gonna be._

* * *

 

 

_ December 12th _

_To: Geoff Ramsey_

_So, Gavin and Michael are talking again pretty regularly, thought you’d want to know that. It’s almost the same as it used to be with the group, but obviously you aren’t here. We all miss you Geoff. Come home soon._

_I found this postcard at the dollar store and it made me think you’d like it because of the Jack Daniels. Hope you find some whiskey wherever the hell you are this month._

_From: Jack xx_

* * *

 

_ January 2nd _

_16:23_

_To: Ryan_

_Come outside, dickbag._

 

_-_

 

_16:24_

_From: Ryan_

_…Geoff?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's where this little universe ends I'm afraid. I hope that you enjoyed this fic and this little version of their world. Please drop a comment to let me know if you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> pls let me know if you liked this via comments :)!


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